Bristol City Council: The Official Bullsh*t Translation of the One City Plan.
I expose the 6 hidden lies and bureaucratic tactics Bristol leaders are using to avoid fixing poverty, class exclusion, and the crisis of council transparency in local politics.
Let’s cut the flannel.
For too long, Bristol City Council has been speaking a language that sounds like they care but translates to nothing. It’s gobbledegook, designed to dull your senses and keep you from asking actual questions. I’ve taken their latest batch of bureaucratic noise—all this talk of priority themes, frameworks, and democratic engagement—and I’ve given it the complete, brutal translation it deserves.
If you want to know what your local council tax is really paying for, keep reading. This is the truth behind the Bristol One City Plan.
The Six Pillars of Bristol’s Bullsh*t.
1. “Further Conversations” = Keeping the Rich Happy
“Build on the five priority themes from Workshop Two by having further conversations with key city partners, including universities and the business sector...”
The Translation: They had a nice chat with the little people first (the Workshop Two crowd). Now, they’re off to see the actual Gaffer—the Uni chancellors and the big business bods who influence this city from behind the scenes. Further conversations mean these Big Money Boys dictate the shared objectives. The One City Plan? It’s just the fancy title for the document that proves your local government is a subsidiary of the institutions in the BS1 postcode that the council panders to.
2. “Foster Good Relations” = Lawyer-Proofing the Council
“In the future, greater regard needs to be paid to the part of the general duty on public authorities, set out in the Equality Act 2010, to have due regard to ‘foster good relations’...”
The Translation: The lawyers got twitchy. Someone nearly got sued over an Equality Act breach. Fostering good relations is not about unity; it’s a backside-covering exercise. They’ll hire an expensive consultant to write a massive, unreadable policy about reducing prejudice. It’s a paperwork shield, not a social movement. This isn’t about people getting along; it’s about the council not getting rinsed in court.
3. “Difficult Conversations” = The Official Moaning Chamber
“Creating spaces for difficult conversations was the most prominent requirement and request from all participants. This should be considered a priority that is sustained and developed over the long term, using facilitation led by trained, local and trusted people...”
The Translation: People are absolutely fuming. The polite civic channels failed. Now they’ll set up a moaning chamber—a damp community hall where a poor sod of a volunteer (the trained, local, trusted people) hands you a lukewarm tea and a listening ear. Why? To let you get it off your chest so you don’t actually organise and change anything. It’s an Anger Management Program for the Community, funded by you, to protect the status quo.
4. “Engagement with Social Media” = Losing the Propaganda War
“The council together with police, NHS, universities... needs to be more proactive and active in its methods to reach people online and address the prevalence of misinformation...”
The Translation: They’ve lost the narrative. They know you don’t read their official press releases. Misinformation is simply anything that contradicts the official council fantasy. They’re panicking because Uncle Dave’s Facebook rant about the wheelie bins is more credible than the Mayor. Now they’re scrambling to hire some TikTok student to pump out their own sanitised propaganda. They don’t want to address the lies; they want to dominate the information stream with their own brand of carefully crafted codswallop.
5. “A Framework for Class” = Studying the Problem to Death
“A framework for class needs to be developed around class and socioeconomic exclusion, similar to frameworks that address issues of race and racial equity, with people from those communities.”
The Translation: Ah, the money talk. They’re finally forced to acknowledge poverty and socioeconomic exclusion—the thing that keeps the whole damn game going. What’s the plan? A framework! A beautiful, complicated flowchart that explains why you’re skint without actually requiring anyone rich to give up a single penny. It’s an academic exercise designed to over-analyse the problem until everyone gets bored and forgets that a solution might involve actual wealth distribution.
6. “Enhance Democratic Engagement” = Getting Better at Pretending
“Enhance democratic engagement by leaders taking more direct action to engage with citizens and ensure genuine visibility, transparency and commitment.”
The Translation: The politicians have realised they look like they’re hiding in a bunker, and the punters aren’t happy. Genuine visibility means the Mayor will show up for five minutes to cut a ribbon at a new roundabout and then scarper back to the office. Transparency means they’ll publish their meeting notes, but they’ll be written in such mind-numbing official-ese that you’ll need an OU degree just to figure out which quango is now running the bins. Commitment is what politicians use to line the bottom of a birdcage. They’re just getting better at pretending to care; that’s all this is.
This is the reality of your Bristol local government. A perpetual motion machine of bureaucratic theatre designed to maintain the status quo.
🔥 Call to Action.
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