#Bristol -Introducing our Prospective, New Transit Boss? Dr. Alistair Finchley-Smythe, OBE (Ret.) What a CV!
Application for Head of Mass Transit, Bristol Region.
Well, I have to admit, there are times when even I outdo myself, and, quite unexpectedly, within 24 hours of publishing this job vacancy, the perfect candidate appeared! Someone who couldn’t fit the job criteria more perfectly. A man who already understands how Bristol’s transit system works, and, with a full grasp of the challenges ahead, has the experience and insight to take Bristol ahead of other cities.
Introducing:
Candidate: Dr. Alistair Finchley-Smythe, OBE (Ret.)
Personal Profile
A distinguished and resilient transport strategist with over 25 years of experience in managing complex, often anarchic, urban mobility ecosystems across the globe. My career has been defined by a unique ability to not just navigate chaos, but to thrive within it, transforming seemingly intractable logistical nightmares into… well, slightly less intractable logistical nightmares. I possess an unwavering commitment to visionary (if occasionally quixotic) infrastructure projects, coupled with an unparalleled talent for managing public expectations – particularly the delicate art of explaining why a five-minute journey might, on occasion, take two hours and involve three bus changes and a short hike, or why a once-quiet residential street is now a permanent diversion route.
My leadership style blends unwavering optimism with a pragmatic understanding of engineering limitations, political realities, and the unpredictable behaviour of both traffic and the general public. I am particularly adept at securing funding for projects that, on paper, appear audacious, but in practice, often become charming local quirks or, indeed, the subject of intense local protest. Having successfully wrestled with the transport challenges of cities far more… energetic than Bristol, and having navigated the treacherous waters of community opposition to "enhancements," I am confident in my ability to bring a fresh perspective and, crucially, a very thick skin, to this vital role, particularly concerning the nascent "Liveable Neighbourhood" phenomenon.
Work Experience
2018 – Present: Director of Integrated Transport Systems, Old City District, Istanbul, Turkey
Spearheaded initiatives to alleviate perpetual gridlock in one of the world's most historically dense and geographically challenging urban centres.
Successfully implemented a revolutionary "Flexible Flow" system, which primarily involved strategically timed closures of major arteries and the encouragement of local residents to use donkeys. Reduced average journey times by an estimated 0.7% on Tuesdays.
Oversaw the construction of three new pedestrian-only zones, which, after initial public outcry and a brief period of civil unrest due to displaced informal traders, became vibrant hubs of street vendors and slightly less traffic. Crucially, these zones, while initially designed for "liveability," successfully displaced traffic to other, less politically sensitive areas.
Managed a team of 150 transport planners, engineers, and public relations specialists who regularly engaged in philosophical debates about the true meaning of "on time," and more recently, the optimal placement of ornamental bollards.
Developed a "Tourist Dispersal Programme" which successfully diverted large groups of visitors to alternative historical sites, inadvertently creating new economic zones, and, more importantly, removing them from the primary congestion points.
2010 – 2018: Head of Urban Mobility & Congestion Management, Cairo Governorate, Egypt
Tasked with modernising transport infrastructure in a city renowned for its… organic approach to traffic flow.
Launched the "Great Pyramid Bypass Initiative," a multi-billion-dollar project designed to divert tour buses around the city centre. Currently 30% complete, with the remaining 70% subject to archaeological discoveries, the shifting sands of political will, and the occasional sandstorm rendering any traffic flow analysis obsolete. This project, while not explicitly a "Liveable Neighbourhood" scheme, successfully created a less liveable route for tourists, thereby improving the "liveability" of the city proper.
Introduced a highly sophisticated "Adaptive Traffic Light System," which often, but not always, synchronised lights across two consecutive intersections, leading to localised areas of reduced congestion and concurrent increases in tailbacks elsewhere. This provided invaluable experience in managing the transfer of traffic problems rather than their elimination.
Negotiated complex stakeholder relationships between tuk-tuk drivers, camel herders, and luxury taxi operators, often involving delicate discussions on the "liveability" of their respective chosen routes.
Secured significant international investment for projects that, while not fully realised, generated considerable positive PR and allowed us to defer difficult decisions on direct traffic reduction.
2000 – 2010: Deputy Director, Major Infrastructure Projects, Rome City Council, Italy
Contributed to the planning and execution of several high-profile transport upgrades in a city where every dig unearths another Roman ruin.
Specialising in "archaeologically sensitive tunnelling," which involved navigating ancient sewers and previously undiscovered temples. Project deadlines were invariably extended by several centuries, providing ample time for public consultation (which was rarely heeded). My work here taught me the critical importance of perceived progress over actual completion, a skill I believe is highly transferable to Liveable Neighbourhoods.
Implemented a novel "Scooter Containment Strategy" which aimed to encourage less anarchic two-wheeled transport, with limited success, and inadvertently led to the creation of several "unliveable" scooter-dominated piazzas.
Gained invaluable experience in managing public expectations regarding project completion dates and the structural integrity of ancient viaducts, as well as deflecting blame for unintended consequences.
Qualifications
PhD, Urban Logistics & Ancient Infrastructure Adaptation, University of Bologna, Italy (Thesis: The Perennial Paradox of Progress: Why Every Solution Creates a New Problem, Especially in Traffic Management)
MSc, Transport Planning & Chaos Theory, London School of Economics, UK
BA (Hons), Classical Civilisations with a minor in Traffic Management, University of Oxford, UK
Recipient of the Order of the British Empire (OBE) for Services to Incomprehensible Urban Planning (2019) – Notably, this was awarded shortly after a major protest concerning a pedestrianisation scheme that significantly increased traffic elsewhere, demonstrating my ability to navigate controversy successfully.
Personality & Suitability for Bristol
My colleagues often describe me as "unflappable," "optimistic to a fault," and "possessing a remarkable tolerance for gridlock and public outrage." These traits, I believe, make me uniquely suited to the Bristol context, particularly in light of the challenges posed by "Liveable Neighbourhood" schemes.
Resilience to Local Peculiarities: My experience in cities where the transport network is less a system and more a fluid, ever-changing entity has prepared me for Bristol's unique blend of narrow streets, ambitious cycle paths, and the curious phenomenon of a bus route that seemingly exists purely to circle the same roundabout. I have also learned the critical importance of identifying "sacrificial roads" where displaced traffic can be conveniently forgotten.
Master of the Pragmatic Compromise (and Strategic Ambiguity): I understand that in cities like Bristol, perfection is the enemy of the merely "better," especially when "better" means moving a problem from one street to another. My approach focuses on incremental improvements, managed expectations, and celebrating small victories (like getting a bus to arrive within 15 minutes of its scheduled time, or successfully installing a single bollard without a riot). I am also highly skilled at using technical jargon to obfuscate the true impact of changes, particularly when addressing concerns about increased journey times and access for essential services due to Liveable Neighbourhoods.
Communication with the Public (and Mayors): I have honed the delicate art of presenting complex, often disappointing, transport realities in a way that sounds both reassuring and vaguely progressive. I am fluent in the language of "future-proofing," "holistic integration," and "sustainable solutions" – all phrases that can be deployed effectively to calm an agitated public or a demanding city council, especially when facing accusations of "top-down" imposition of schemes. I am particularly adept at explaining how "Liveable Neighbourhoods," despite their immediate unpopularity, are "for the greater good," even if that "greater good" is currently stuck in a jam.
Budgetary Acrobatics: My career has taught me to achieve significant impact with budgets that are, shall we say, "resource-constrained." I am adept at identifying "efficiencies" (e.g., repurposing discarded traffic cones as temporary modal filters) and, when necessary, convincing philanthropists that investing in a slightly less congested road network is indeed a worthy cause, even if the primary effect is to shift the congestion.
A Familiarity with Hills and Bridges (and the Unexpected Planter): Having navigated the challenges of Istanbul's hills and Rome's ancient bridges, Bristol's topography presents a welcome, if familiar, challenge. I've encountered worse inclines and certainly more structurally dubious crossings. Crucially, I am also well-versed in the logistical and public relations challenges presented by the sudden appearance of unexpected street furniture, which I understand is a key component of the Bristol "Liveable Neighbourhood" experience.
In essence, I am not merely applying for a job; I am answering a spiritual calling. Bristol's transport network is a magnificent beast, wild and untamed, and constantly evolving – sometimes deliberately, sometimes through the sheer will of a strategically placed flowerpot. I believe I am the only one with the necessary blend of experience, delusion, and an OBE to truly lead it into its glorious, albeit slightly delayed and occasionally rerouted, future, and to bravely face the next wave of "liveable" challenges.
How soon can this man start?