Bristol Petitions Gone Barmy: From Police Horse Droppings to Slaughterhouse Serial Killers.
Your Ultimate Guide to Democratic Madness in BS Postcodes, and elsewhere.
So here’s what kills me about this whole thing. The British government - in a moment of what can only be described as catastrophic West Country optimism - gave Bristolians a direct line to Parliament. “Here you go,” they said, “tell us what matters!”
And what happened? While Bristol Temple Meads undergoes its most substantial overhaul in a century with a £23m Eastern Entrance and Southern Gateway transport hub Bristol Chronicle, and the £165m Longmoor housing development at Ashton Gate moves forward with 510 new homes Bristol Chronicle, Bristolians are petitioning about HORSE SHIT.
Bristol’s Petition Priorities: What 16,677 Signatures Really Mean
16,677 Bristolians signed the Digital ID petition bristol-uncovered - and fair play, privacy matters! But let’s look at what ELSE we’re petitioning for while Bristol City Council deals with actual crises.
Bristol South vs Bristol Central: The Engagement Gap
Bristol South residents (3.93%) signed the Digital ID petition at higher rates than Bristol Central (2.36%) bristol-uncovered. Either Bristol South cares more about privacy, or Bristol Central was too busy queuing for sourdough at Wapping Wharf.
The Great Bristol Horse Shit Debate
Nine people signed a petition demanding mounted police clean up horse droppings from public streets because dog owners must pick up after their pets Petitions.
NINE PEOPLE.
That’s fewer signatures than you’d get for saving the Gloucester Road coffee shop that serves oat milk in vintage teacups. This while Avon and Somerset Police conducted overnight operations in March 2025 to install controversial East Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood traffic schemes in Barton Hill ITV News West Country.
💩 “We’ve created a two-tier fecal management system: dog owners must bag turds, but police horses roam free across Bristol streets!”
This is happening while Avon and Somerset Police report a steady rise in hate crimes over five years, with more than 5,800 recorded this year Bristol Chronicle. But sure, let’s focus on equine excrement policy on Park Street.
Related: Avon and Somerset Police priorities | Bristol City Council waste management
The Slaughterhouse Serial Killer Factory Theory.
Here’s where Bristol’s petition culture really shines: Twenty-two people want prisoners banned from slaughterhouse work because it might “normalise bloodshed” Petitions.
Twenty-two signatures. In a city where Bristol City Council’s Corporate Strategy 2025-2030 prioritises fair access to jobs and training Bristol Chronicle, we’ve got people worried that ex-cons will develop a taste for murder.
The logic:
Guy does time for bar fight
Gets job at abattoir near Temple Meads
Goes home to Knowle West thinking, “That sheep had it coming... so does Dave next door”
The petition argues “true rehabilitation comes from education and reintegration” Petitions - as if learning Excel at City of Bristol College is MORE rehabilitative than honest work.
See the actual petition: UK Parliament Petitions
When Petitions Meet Bristol Reality: The KFC Constitutional Crisis
Someone complained about KFC’s “Pulled Chicken Lil Wraps” claiming “We are being tricked and they’re treating us like fools” VICE.
THIS IS WHAT GETS BRISTOL’S DEMOCRATIC JUICES FLOWING!
Not the m2 Metrobus service extending hours from Long Ashton Park & Ride through Ashton Vale, Ashton Gate, Temple Meads, and Cabot Circus Visit West - no, FAST FOOD NOMENCLATURE!
Other petition highlights:
Seagulls: Government response: “We’re not sure what you’d like us to do” BuzzFeed - Declare war on Harbourside gulls? Hold peace talks at M Shed?
Eurovision Monday: Someone wanted Monday off after Eurovision because of “the hangover this event provides” BuzzFeed - REJECTED
Meme Jail: Someone petitioned to “end meme jail” - demanding freedom for meme-sharing prisoners Petitions
Mr Bean at Eurovision: After UK got zero points in 2021, someone petitioned for Mr Bean to represent Britain Matrix Dreams (he’s not real, people)
More bizarre petitions: UK rejected petitions archive
What Bristol DOESN’T Petition For
You know what I don’t see? Here’s the Bristol 2025 missing list:
Bristol Transport & Infrastructure:
“Make Bristol City Council finish Temple Meads before the heat death of the universe”
“Require honest timescales for the £4bn Bristol Temple Quarter development”
“Ban the word ‘transformative’ for bus lane delays”
Southern Gateway includes a 700+ bike cycle hub and 350-space car park New Civil Engineer - where’s the petition asking if we WANT more Temple Meads car parks?
Bristol Housing & Development:
“Stop estate agents calling damp Bedminster bedsits ‘characterful’ at £1,200/month”
“Ban developers calling Ashton Vale ‘up and coming’ (it’s been ‘coming’ since 2010)”
Longmoor proposes 510 homes with 30% affordable Bristol Chronicle - but what does “affordable” mean for Bristol wages?
Bristol Policing & Democracy:
“Make Avon and Somerset Police respond to burglaries as fast as Liveable Neighbourhood protests”
Police deployed overnight with drone teams to install traffic measures while residents slept ITV News West Country - where’s the petition about THAT?
“Ban Bristol City Council calling anything ‘community-led’ when done at 3am with police backup”
Bristolian Quality of Life:
“Make it illegal to describe Stokes Croft as ‘edgy’ when you mean ‘bins haven’t been collected’”
“Ban saying ‘Bristol’s so creative’ while voting against arts funding”
“Require permission from Banksy before inferior stencil work”
Learn more: Bristol24/7 local news | BBC Radio Bristol
The Beautiful Bristol Futility
27 petitions reached 100,000 signatures and got debated in Parliament - but NONE resulted in law changes VICE.
NONE.
So while Bristol City Council works on Temple Quarter’s vision to deliver 10,000 new homes and thousands of jobs with £1.6bn annual economic impact Bristol Chronicle, this whole system is a democratic placebo.
🎪 “Give Bristolians the illusion of power - they’ll be too busy petitioning about Pieminister gravy recipes to notice we’re selling community centres!”
Bristol 2025: What’s Actually Happening
While we petition about chicken wraps:
✅ Temple Meads: century’s biggest overhaul underway Bristol Chronicle
✅ Ashton Gate: £165m Longmoor housing progressing Bristol Chronicle
✅ Avon and Somerset Police: 5,800+ hate crimes reported Bristol Chronicle
✅ East Bristol: Liveable Neighbourhood schemes causing division ITV News West Country
✅ Metrobus m2: extended to Sundays and late evenings Visit West
❌ Zero petitions fixing Bristol’s real problems
❌ Nine signatures about horse poop
❌ Twenty-two about slaughterhouse serial killers
Stay updated: Bristol City Council news | BristolWorld latest
The Bristol Bottom Line
We’ve created a Bristol where:
Dog owners bag turds but police horses roam free
Prisoners can’t work in slaughterhouses lest they discover murder
Mr Bean (fictional) was considered for Eurovision
Bristol City Council installs traffic schemes at 3am with police drones while calling it “community-led” ITV News West Country
Meanwhile, important Bristol issues - why Temple Quarter keeps getting delayed, why “affordable” Ashton Gate housing costs £300k, why the council has a £41.6m budget gap Bristol Chronicle - get lost between “Ban Harbourside seagulls” and “Tell us about Greggs vegan sausage rolls.”
🎭 “We’ll petition about chicken wraps and horse manure while Temple Meads regeneration promises homes we can’t afford and Ashton Gate developments we didn’t vote for get rubber-stamped at midnight council meetings.”
That’s proper Bristol democracy in 2025. We’ve got the Suspension Bridge, Banksy, and world-class ability to complain about everything except what matters.
Bristol Petitions: Your Questions Answered
How many Bristolians signed the Digital ID petition?
16,677 Bristol residents signed bristol-uncovered, with Bristol South showing higher engagement than Bristol Central.
What’s happening with Temple Meads?
Bristol Temple Meads is undergoing a £23m Eastern Entrance development opening in 2026, plus Southern Gateway transport hub plans Bristol Chronicle.
What’s the Ashton Gate development about?
The £165m Longmoor housing consultation proposes 510 homes (30% affordable) linked to Ashton Gate Sports and Convention Centre funding Bristol Chronicle.
What are the weirdest UK petitions ever?
From police horse droppings (9 signatures) to slaughterhouse serial killer theories (22 signatures) to making Mr Bean compete at Eurovision - British petition culture is gloriously absurd.
Where can I sign petitions?
Visit the UK Parliament Petitions website to view and sign active petitions.
Meta Description: Bristol petitions gone mad! From police horse droppings to slaughterhouse serial killers - discover the barmy petitions Bristolians sign. Plus Temple Meads & Ashton Gate 2025 updates.
These are a few other petitions signed by people in Bristol:
388 signed "Recognise the production and serving of cask ale as Intangible Cultural Heritage"
340 signed "Reduce the maximum noise level for consumer fireworks from 120 to 90 decibels"
231 signed "Grant Cornwall nation status"
174 signed "Add hedgehogs to schedule 5 of the Wildlife & Countryside Act 1981"
168 signed "Require by law all sports netting to be tied up when not in use"
127 signed "Grant Rivers and Rias in England Legal Personhood"
122 signed "Introduce 'Grow Your Own' Laws for Legal Medical Cannabis Patients (CBPM)"
99 signed "Ban greyhound racing"
50 signed "Do not restrict vape flavours"
40 signed "Prohibit police officers from having sexual relationships while undercover"
38 signed "Ban balaclavas except for winter activity use"
23 signed "Introduce random alcohol & drug testing within the House of Commons"
14 signed "Allow conjugal visits for prisoners in England and Wales"
10 signed "Ban horse racing"
7 signed "Fund and distribute a leaflet on climate change to every UK household"
6 signed "Make the climate emergency a lawful excuse in criminal cases"
3 signed "Legalise adult adoption"
2 signed "Legalise Bow Hunting"
1 signed "Introduce a new code of electoral ethics"
1 signed "Include hair colour as a protected characteristic under the Equality Act"