#BRISTOL TRAFFIC CHAOS: Council Blunder Proposes WIDENING ROADS Near Schools to 'Calm' Traffic.
A Mildly Scathing Op-Ed on the latest South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhoods (SBLN) Consultation Fiasco.
The ongoing political chaos surrounding the South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhoods (SBLN) scheme has officially entered its most absurd and dangerous phase. This is no longer a consultation; it’s a high-stakes, punitive Japanese game show where winning means avoiding severe injury or death due to bureaucratic incompetence.
🤯 The £9 Million Question: The Absurd Rules of the Game.
The phrase “The £9 Million Question” refers to the project’s hefty budget, as the entire SBLN scheme is estimated to cost around £9 million of public funds. The fact that a project with this monumental price tag can contain an error as fundamental as Question 23c—the instruction to “make traffic drive slower by making pavements narrower near schools”—perfectly encapsulates the financial risk tied to the council’s incompetence.
For those fortunate enough to have missed the cultural phenomenon, Japanese game shows operate on a terrifyingly simple premise: The rules must be illogical, the challenges must be painful, and success is achieved not by following the rules, but by correctly guessing the inherent sadism of the show’s creators.
The council’s core challenge is the ultimate example. Any urban planner knows Wider Road = Faster Traffic. The council is actively proposing to widen the carriageway near schools while promising “calming.”
Your life as a safe pedestrian depends on this impossible choice:
The Lethal Trap: The ultimate failure of the council’s error is the loss of the pavement itself. Pedestrians—parents, children, and the elderly—are forced to walk out into the carriageway, weaving between the traffic flow and the limited pavement space just to continue their journey.
The Final Stake: The penalty for failure is not a fine, but the risk of severe injury or death caused by speeding traffic given extra room next to a school.
📺 The Perilous Levels of the SBLN Gauntlet
The terrifying physical challenges and impossible rules that govern the rest of this ‘Liveable’ disaster zone confirm the lethal nature of this game:
Level 1: The Local Road Labyrinth (The Modal Filter Maze)
This is the physical challenge played out daily by drivers.
The Rule: Get from your house to the main road by moving the shortest distance.
The Trap: Every shortcut is blocked by bollards (the ‘Big Red Foam Rollers of Bureaucracy’), forcing a humiliating, time-wasting detour.
The Humiliation: You lose ten precious minutes, burn extra fuel, and the prize is the knowledge that the traffic you avoided has just been perfectly pushed onto your neighbour’s street.
Level 2: The Trunk Road Terror (The Speed Multiplier)
The council’s blunder (narrower pavement = wider road) is applied to arteries like the A4 and Coronation Road.
The Rule: Drive safely and maintain the speed limit.
The Trap: The council has simultaneously widened the road (thanks to the pavement error) and forced thousands of displaced cars onto it.
The Painful Outcome: The physics of the game mean the traffic is simultaneously moving faster and completely gridlocked. The danger graduates quickly from minor accident risk to multi-car pile-ups on high-speed arteries.
Level 3: The City Centre Smash-Up (The Financial Penalty Zone)
This is the final, high-stakes round near Temple Meads and Baldwin Street.
The Rule: Deliver goods and passengers efficiently to support the local economy.
The Trap: The council’s rerouting chaos and confusing boundaries mean delivery vehicles and essential buses are instantly ensnared in unpredictable bottlenecks. Furthermore, the successful completion of the road detour shunts your vehicle directly into the Clean Air Zone (CAZ).
The Ultimate Punishment: You beat the labyrinth, you delivered the goods, and your prize is the council slamming you with a £9 fine. The financial engine of the city grinds to a halt because the planners couldn’t tell a kerb from a traffic filter.
🍻 The Final Verdict: A Green Dream Built on the Rubble of Incompetence
The SBLN is simply the newest, shiniest layer of incompetence piled onto decades of bewildering civic decisions (think the perpetual chaos of Temple Gate). The council has engineered a game where its confusion over a simple pavement boundary becomes a liability that risks public safety and the economic flow of the city.
The final verdict on the SBLN is not about the modal filters or the planters; it’s about the credibility of governance itself. Until the council demonstrates it can handle basic terminology, policy writing, and quality control, every new Green initiative will be met not with hope, but with the cynical expectation that it’s just the next, more expensive round of Bristol’s chronic game of bureaucratic absurdity.
Perhaps next time the council decides to redesign the fundamental structure of our city, they should invest in a bigger piece of paper. Maybe a Superkings fag packet, or better still, an actual map. Because if this is the level of planning we can expect for a multi-million-pound scheme, it seems the current budget doesn’t even stretch to a decent notebook.
Or, perhaps, we should just bypass the council altogether. I know one or two fantastic local independent breweries who would no doubt be absolutely delighted for the trade, and would likely be happy to lend a hand organising the proverbial ‘piss-up’ if it helps them sort out the city’s transport problems. After all, if anyone understands how to facilitate local flow and generate community spirit—even chaotic community spirit—it’s them.
🔗 Sources & Further Reading
**SBLN Consultation & Project Information**
Main Consultation Page:
Bristol Council SBLN Consultation
Official Bristol City Council consultation page with project overview
SBLN Project Overview:
https://www.bristol.gov.uk/ask/projects/south-bristol-liveable-neighbourhood
SBLN Proposals Detail:
https://www.bristol.gov.uk/ask/projects/south-bristol-liveable-neighbourhood/sbln-proposals
Easy Read Survey (for Question 23c reference):
The Easy Read survey is referenced at: https://www.bristol.gov.uk/ask/find-consultation-engagement/247
Contact for Easy Read version: South Bristol Survey: Question 23c
Main Survey:
https://South Bristol Consultation Survey
**Funding & Budget Information**
£10 Million WECA Funding (2022):
The West of England Combined Authority granted Bristol City Council £10 million for two liveable neighbourhoods in early 2022.
Source: https://bristolgreenparty.org.uk/green-cllrs-welcome-consultation-on-south-bristol-liveable-neighbourhood/
City Region Sustainable Transport Settlement (CRSTS):
The South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood consultation is being funded by the UK Government through the City Region Sustainable Transport Settlement, secured by the West of England Mayoral Combined Authority.
Source: Regional Mayor's Office - Sustainable Transport
**Local Media Coverage**
Bristol24/7 Coverage:
Bristol 247 Designs for Bristol latest-liveable-neighbourhood-unveiled/ (September 5, 2025)
Bristol 247 - More than 100 sign petition (October 3, 2025)
Bristol Cable Coverage:
South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhoods - Bristol Cable
Bristol Uncovered - South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhoods
South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood - Survey Results
Opposition Petition:
Southville Roadblocks Petition
Over 2,100 signatures opposing modal filters in Southville
**Bristol Clean Air Zone (CAZ)**
Official CAZ Information:
CAZ residents-Travel
https://www.cleanairforbristol.org/caz/
CAZ Analysis & Impact:
Despite air quality improvements, the CAZ remains unpopular among some residents due to reports of increased congestion in surrounding areas.
Source: https://scraplocal.co.uk/clean-air-zones/caz/bristol
CAZ Traffic Displacement Concerns:
Resident concerns about traffic displacement: “People will use even more fuel to drive around the CAZ, causing further congestion and more emissions.”
Source: Clean Air Zone Concerns
**Bristol Traffic & Congestion Context**
Temple Gate Historical Problems:
The £11m Temple Gate project was extended to autumn 2019 - nine months after the original completion date - due to “unforeseen problems”, including the discovery of Victorian cellars under the road.
Source: https://www.bristol247.com/news-and-features/news/temple-gate-roadworks-extended-due-to-unforeseen-problems/
Bristol Congestion Rankings:
Bristol drivers are delayed for an average of 65 hours each year, making Bristol the second most congested city in the UK after London (January 2025).
Source: Second worst city congestion
**Green Party Statements**
South Bristol Green Consultationbristol-liveable-neighbourhood/ (September 5, 2025)
https://bristolgreenparty.org.uk/greens-welcome-plans-for-a-south-bristol-liveable-neighbourhood/ (December 2023)
**Note:** The article references £9 million, but official sources confirm £10 million in WECA funding from 2022. The project is funded through the City Region Sustainable Transport Settlement and must be invested by March 2027.