#Bristol's Fabian Breckels Racist Comment Scandal: This City's Real-Life Pantomime Villain Gets The Boot.
When Bristol politics became better theatre than anything at the Hippodrome - starring Fabian Breckels as the villain, Lorraine Francis as the hero, and Ed "L. Pondweed" Plowden painting bus lanes.
“Oh no, it isn’t!” “We’re still consulting!”
PERFORMANCES: TBC (Subject to Approval).
“Performances were scheduled to begin in 2022, but we’re still waiting for approval from the Department of Irony - which was due to be Chaired by Labour Councillor Fabian Breckels.”
Sadly, Councillor Breckels had to resign from his position before the Department could even hold its first meeting. Not because of any planning permission delays, mind you - that would be too on-brand.
No, Breckels managed something far more spectacular: getting suspended from the Labour group with immediate effect for posting a racist comment on Facebook about an alleged gas pipe thief. In his swiftly deleted Facebook missive, he suggested the perpetrator should be “locked up, and if he’s not British, then he needs deporting afterwards.”
The irony of chairing a Department of Irony while embodying it so perfectly was apparently lost on him. Bristol Labour suspended him faster than they’ve ever approved a planning application, referring his conduct to the national party for a “full investigation.”
And thus, the Department of Irony remains without a Chair - permanently stuck in a bureaucratic limbo. The position is currently listed as “Under Review (Pending Sensitivity Training and a Functioning Moral Compass).”
All of which perfectly casts Breckels as the character panto audiences love to boo and hiss at. He’s got everything a proper villain needs: obviously wrong, thought he could get away with it, got his comeuppance, and left chaos in his wake. The racist Facebook comment, the panicked deletion, the immediate suspension - he’s practically twirling a moustache.
And the dramatic irony is exquisite: he was supposed to chair the Department of Irony, making him a walking, talking embodiment of the concept. The audience can see what he can’t - that he IS the joke.
“LOOK BEHIND YOU, COUNCILLOR BRECKELS! IT’S YOUR OWN FACEBOOK HISTORY!”
“Oh no, it isn’t!”
“OH YES IT IS!”
COUNCILLOR BRECKELS’ SPEAKING ROLE (Enter stage left, wearing a Labour rosette and carrying an oversized smartphone)
BRECKELS: Good evening, boys and girls! I’m Councillor Fabian Breckels, and I’m here to chair the Department of Irony!
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO!
BRECKELS: Now, now! I’ve got very important work to do! Very important indeed! I need to make sure this council runs with complete transparency and accountability!
AUDIENCE: HISSSSS!
BRECKELS: What’s that? You don’t believe me? Well, I’ll just post about it on Facebook! (waves phone) Everyone loves my Facebook posts!
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO!
BRECKELS: (typing on phone) There we go... sent! Nothing to worry about! No one will notice a thing! (nervous laugh)
DAME LORRAINE FRANCIS: (entering in full Green Party regalia) Ooh, Councillor Breckels, what have you posted now?
BRECKELS: Nothing! Nothing at all! Just some... community engagement!
AUDIENCE: Oh, yes, you did!
BRECKELS: Oh no, I didn’t!
AUDIENCE: OH YES YOU DID!
BRECKELS: (frantically pressing phone) Delete! Delete! DELETE! (looks up at audience) There! Gone! As if it never happened!
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO! HISSSSSS!
DAME LORRAINE FRANCIS: But Councillor, the internet never forgets! And I’m disgusted to see you use your platform to spew racist rhetoric!
BRECKELS: (desperately) Don’t blame me! It was Justice Secretary Shabana Mahmood who said it first!
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO!
DAME LORRAINE FRANCIS: Oh, so you’re copying the Justice Secretary now, are you?
BRECKELS: Well, I... she... national policy... (floundering)
AUDIENCE: HISSSSS!
(Enter L. PONDWEED - Ed Plowden in high-vis vest and cycle helmet, carrying a paint roller)
L. PONDWEED: Please, can we not just concentrate on painting our highways and bus lanes to cheer up the city’s drivers and pedestrians? You know, to divert their minds from more essential council issues. You know, such as padlocks on a footbridge, and other things that impact our overall fiscal responsibility.
DAME LORRAINE FRANCIS: (thunderously) What’s wrong with black tarmac? You’re racist! That’s cultural misappropriation, that is!
BRECKELS: (turning to L. Pondweed) Now, see what I have to put up with?
AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO!
BRECKELS: (backing toward stage exit) I think I hear my party calling... something about an “immediate suspension”... and a “full investigation”... Must dash! (trips over own rosette)
AUDIENCE: Don’t come back!
BRECKELS: (from the wings, muttering) I knew I should have stuck with bin collections... (exits in disgrace).
That was a Green Party Production.
DISCLAIMER
Bristol Green Party wishes to clarify that no actual greenery, green spaces, or Green Party principles were harmed in the making of this production.
All bus lanes were painted using sustainably sourced, organic, fair-trade paint.
The oversized smartphone used in this production was powered entirely by renewable energy (specifically, the hot air generated during council meetings).
L. Pondweed’s high-vis vest was made from 100% recycled plastic bottles recovered from the Bristol Harbour.
Dame Lorraine Francis’s regalia was ethically sourced and carbon-neutral.
Councillor Breckels’ Labour rosette was composted immediately following his exit.
All audience participation was conducted in accordance with our Public Consultation Framework (currently under review, estimated completion date: 2027).
The Department of Irony remains unfilled. Applications are not currently being accepted as we’re still consulting on whether we need a Department of Irony to begin with.
This production has been assessed for environmental impact. The only lasting damage is to Bristol’s reputation for functional local government.
Bristol Green Party: Making Everything Greener (Except Our Transport Infrastructure, Which Is Mostly Yellow and Red Paint).
#BristolCouncil #BristolPolitics #FabianBreckels #BristolGreenParty #EdPlowden #BristolNews #LocalGovernment #Pantomime #BristolUK #Satire
Bravo bravo!!👏 👏