#Bristol's Latest Pedestrianisation: Paving the Way to Pure Parking Panic!
Overton Road: Where "Liveable Neighbourhood" Means "Unliveable for Your Car."
Overton Road: The Pedestrianisation Project That's Paving the Way... to My Latest Rant.
Well, well, well, Bristol. It seems my crystal ball, perpetually misty with the exhaust fumes of failed council initiatives, has once again cleared to reveal another glorious triumph of urban planning. You see, for the umpteenth time, I find myself perched precariously on the failure bandwagon, clutching my imaginary megaphone, ready to serenade you all with the sweet, sweet sounds of local authority missteps. And what a tune it is this time!
My gaze, often drawn to the gravitational pull of chaos, landed squarely on a recent Bristol Post exposé: “’Huge success’ claims for Bristol pedestrianisation scheme some residents aren’t happy with.” Oh, the delicious irony! “Huge success” and “some residents aren’t happy” – a classic Bristolian oxymoron, much like “efficient public transport” or “affordable housing.”
This particular masterpiece of municipal genius concerns Overton Road, connecting the bohemian paradise of Gloucester Road with the verdant delights of St Andrew’s Park. Now, back in January 2023, our esteemed council, in a fit of architectural exuberance, decided to shut this thoroughfare to vehicles, allocating a cool £200,000 to the noble cause of creating more space for businesses (presumably those selling tiny, artisanal pebbles), pedestrians (those who enjoy playing real-life Frogger with delivery vans), and cyclists (who, let’s be honest, will still ignore traffic lights).
But hold your horses, or rather, your increasingly irrelevant motor vehicles! By October 2024, the plot, much like the council’s budget, thickened considerably. BristolLive reported that the costs for Overton Road and its Clifton cousin, Princess Victoria Street, had ballooned by a tidy £500,000. That’s a 40% increase, folks! Forty percent! Apparently, the council’s estimation skills are on par with my ability to resist a second slice of cake. Gross underestimation? I prefer to call it “optimistic accounting for the fiscally challenged.”
Now, the road is being excavated, presumably to unearth the hidden treasure chest that will justify this fiscal haemorrhage. But amidst the dust and diggers, a lone, dissenting voice cuts through the council’s self-congratulatory din. Enter 72-year-old Elizabeth Igoe, a resident of North Road in St Andrews. Ms. Igoe, who clearly hasn’t received her complimentary rose-tinted glasses from City Hall, has slammed the project, stating it’s an “unnecessary waste of money” and that the council has “totally overlooked those of us in the community who are disabled and need to use cars.”
Oh, Elizabeth, you naive soul! Don’t you know that Bristol City Council, in its infinite wisdom, is simply trying to make life “more and more difficult” for motorists? It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let’s see if it pays off. As Ms. Igoe so eloquently put it, “Until there is improved transport in Bristol people will continue to use cars but Bristol City Council seems to be in denial and instead makes it more and more difficult to get around the city.” Denial? Bristol City Council and denial? Never! It’s simply… aspirational thinking.
And then, as if on cue, the online gladiators of the comment section descended, sharp-tongued and ready for battle. Royalbluemersey1, clearly a card-carrying member of the “Car-Haters Anonymous” club, asked if any supporters of the scheme were interviewed. Because, you know, nuance. Ezergood, presumably whilst polishing their bicycle chain, declared that “the world does not owe them free storage space for their four-wheeled possessions.” Right, because cars just materialise out of thin air and demand parking, they’re not, you know, owned by people who pay for them.
Ah, but then Cornishking2003 rode in, like a knight on a steed fueled by petrol, demanding to know why car owners pay car tax. “It’s to use the roads!” they bellowed. And this, my friends, is where the glorious myth of “road tax” rears its ugly, misinformed head. KaylKa, clearly a connoisseur of parliamentary minutiae, swooped in with the factual equivalent of a mic drop, explaining that Vehicle Excise Duty (VED) is emissions-based and doesn’t actually pay for roads. It’s all lumped into general taxation. So, sorry, Cornishking2003, your “sovereignty over the roads” claim is about as valid as my chances of winning the lottery without buying a ticket.
Royalbluemersey1, still basking in the glow of anti-car righteousness, then launched into a tirade about motorists being “heavily subsidised by society.” Apparently, traffic violence, air pollution, obesity, and the cost of maintaining infrastructure are all directly attributable to those pesky car owners. I mean, sure, I enjoy a good hyperbole as much as the next satirist, but this was a symphony of blame.
Rockingallovertheworld, seemingly a fortune-teller with a penchant for vehicular doom, declared, “There are some car lovers who just don’t get it. One day they will and hopefully they’ll stop rattling on about it. Ditch the car for journeys in and around Bristol - you are the cause of congestion, pollution and making the streets unsafe. Sorted.” Ah, the simple solutions of the internet warrior! If only life were as easy as “ditch the car” and poof, all our urban woes disappear!
And finally, AdvisoryService101, the voice of reason (or perhaps just someone who’s had too much Bristol Blue), suggested we “look at the bigger picture and consider everyone’s needs.” Everyone will be affected, good and bad, but “overall this will benefit the local community.” Right. Because inconvenience, increased costs, and accusations of being a public health menace are all just part of the “overall benefit” package.
So there you have it, folks. Overton Road: another shining example of Bristol’s unique approach to urban development. A project hailed as a “huge success” by those who clearly don’t live there, slammed by those who do, and debated endlessly by a public armed with half-truths and strong opinions. As for me, I’m off to find a quieter street to walk down, preferably one where the only thing being excavated is my patience.
