Bristol's South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood: How to Destroy a Community with Clipboards and Condescension.

Bristol’s 'Liveable Neighbourhood' Nightmare: Totterdown Traders Slam 'Mad' Traffic Plans, Bus Gates, and Council Failure to Produce Equalities Impact Assessment 😡

(Image: Bristol Post)

The Grand Bureaucratic Traffic Jam: It’s Not For You, It’s For The Form.The Grand Bureaucratic Traffic Jam: It’s Not For You, It’s For The Form.

Let’s just be honest about what’s happening in Totterdown. The South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood (SBLN) isn’t urban planning; it’s an elaborate exercise in bureaucratic self-congratulation. It’s the local council, full of “earnest and agreeable” officers, playing a giant game of Monopoly with your streets—except they’re not buying houses, they’re just putting up invisible walls and calling it a “better future.”

They’re taking a neighbourhood built on Victorian-era bones—steep streets, narrow terraces, no parking, no room for error—and attempting to retrofit it with a traffic scheme designed by people who probably commute via yoga mat. The result? A catastrophe, dressed up in a nice, green-washed press release. As a local resident, Sue shook her head and said, “I thought it was one of the horrendously stupidest suggestions I’ve ever seen.”

They held a “consultation,” which is politician-speak for “We’ve already decided, but we’ll let you talk until your mouth is dry.” They spread out maps like they were revealing a treasure, all while demonstrating the core law of government: The solution to a problem must always be more complicated and more expensive than the problem itself.

The Great Pollution Shell Game.

The main act of this traffic circus is the bus gate on St Luke’s Road. It’s a quick artery, but the council’s “genius” is to restrict it to the “one sporadic bus that currently goes that way.” They’re not solving traffic; they’re playing the shell game. You take the congestion off one small road and dump it all onto the already-choking A37 Wells Road and St John’s Lane.

It’s the great Pollution Shuffle! The council gets to say, “Look, we cleaned up this tiny spot!” while ignoring the massive, concentrated cloud of exhaust they just dumped next door. With 40-ton lorries constantly rumbling down the A37, resident Peter pointed out the devastating truth: “These one-way plans and bus gates aren’t going to make any difference to air quality with that still happening.” They don’t care about making the air clean; they care about making a chart look better.

The Retail Extinction Event: Death by Circular Route.

And speaking of caring, let’s talk about the traders on Oxford Street. They run the heart of this Totterdown “island,” providing services to the entire area. The council’s masterstroke? Turning the main access route into a one-way street.

Gio Pace of the Banana Boat store—a woman who has navigated more local economic shifts than the council has had transport plans—is right: “Whoever put together this map with these one-way streets obviously doesn’t live here.” She pointed out the obvious: “I have customers that come from all over - Withywood, Stockwood, Whitchurch, even the Chew Valley. A lot of people come here and drive here from a way away.” Her verdict? “It’s really going to impact my trade, everyone’s trade.”

The delivery driver with the distinctive Mohican laid it bare: the proposed routes would be “20 times the distance,” which he said would “create more traffic, travelling more and more pollution.” Helen from Oxford Street added a dose of local reality: “They’ve forgotten about the steep streets and the weather. You just need one car to get stuck, and the whole place will be stuck.” Even Pam Beddard, referring to the proposed ‘Totterdown Village’ one-way system, joked, “If you meet the bin lorry, you’re stuffed.”

The Integrity Failure: No Notes, No Rights.

The final consultation drop-in was a masterclass in performative democracy. People showed up, took time off work, and aired their legitimate grievances. The council officers? They were “earnest and agreeable.” They “listened.” But did they take notes? Hell, no. They told people to “email in.”

That’s not a consultation; that’s a paper shredder with a human face. One woman, frustrated after taking time off work, said: “I came to the event, took time off work, and they weren’t prepared to write down what I was saying - it was just ‘you’ll have to email in.’” Another resident pointed out: “It makes whatever report they produce on the feedback from these events meaningless, they could just make it up, who’s able to prove otherwise? It’s a joke.”

And the legal cherry on top? Resident Katie’s demand: “I would like to see the Equalities Impact Assessment; they haven’t produced one.” She is particularly concerned with the impact on the older people who would be left “spiralling around Totterdown in a ridiculous one-way system.” When you skip the EIA, you’re not just ignoring the law; you’re actively declaring that the hardship you’re imposing doesn’t count.

L Pondweed and the Chequebook.

And now, the man at the top, Cllr Ed Plowden—an anagram of L Pondweed (kind of says it all about his vision for local flow). He steps forward to offer the official line.

He assures us there will be “tweaks and alterations rather than an overhaul.” Translation: “You hate the plan? Great. We’ll change the colour of the road signs, but the screwjob remains.” He dismissed the chorus of complaints by stating there will always be a “very small minority” who oppose change.

Then comes the real motive: the money. Plowden admitted the scheme is linked to grant funding from the WECA (West of England Combined Authority), and modal filters are the “simplest and cheapest way of achieving the outcomes we are looking for.”

It’s a funding decision, not an urban planning one. The needs of the people of Totterdown come second to the simplicity and cost-effectiveness of checking a box to collect a government cheque. As Peter, who remembers the 60s and 70s ring-road debacle, put it: “I think the city of Bristol owes it to Totterdown to get this right, having ripped the heart out of the place.”

This isn’t about making Totterdown ‘liveable.’ This is about making the council’s balance sheet liveable. The residents are just the scenery they’re paving over.

Right. It’s time to drop the mic in the perfect spirit of this satirical yet efficient writer.

A Note on Labour: Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due.

This investigation, analysis, and subsequent righteous takedown of bureaucratic incompetence were only possible thanks to the hardworking folks at the Bristol Post. Their original legwork—getting out there, talking to the people, and actually writing down the facts—provided the necessary foundation for this, shall we say, improved commentary. So, to the journalists who hit the pavement: thanks for enabling this particular act of journalistic laziness and rhetorical efficiency. You gather the facts; we’ll provide the fire. Now get back to work. There’s more to lampoon where this came from.