#Bristol's Unliveable Neighbourhood Schemes. May The Farce Be With You. Though, Preferably Not.

Consultation? We Prefer "Creative Non-Fiction."

One must applaud Bristol's Green Party for their unwavering commitment to ignoring every single cautionary tale from across the UK! While other cities have bravely, or perhaps foolishly, blazed the trail of "Liveable Neighbourhood" schemes – only to find them universally condemned as "completely unliveable" by the very residents they purport to serve – Bristol's Greens march onward, heads held high, seemingly afflicted by a rare form of "third-eye blindness."

It's a phenomenon truly unique to Bristol, this ability to gaze directly at the chaos unfolding elsewhere and declare, "Yes! More of that, please!" While cities like London have seen protests, legal challenges, and a general outpouring of incandescent rage from residents whose journeys have become circumnavigations worthy of Magellan, Bristol's Green leadership remains steadfast. They've apparently studied these national sagas not as warnings, but as blueprints – perhaps even instruction manuals on how not to listen to the public.

Consider the lamentations from countless communities: emergency services delayed, local businesses struggling as access becomes a labyrinthine nightmare, and, most hilariously, traffic merely displaced from one street to another, creating new, even more "unliveable" rat-runs on previously quiet roads. And let's not forget the particularly poignant cries from disability groups, whose concerns about increased journey times, lack of accessible infrastructure, and the general erosion of their independence have been met with the familiar refrain of "Sorry, did someone say something about a fictional community group?"

One can almost hear the internal monologue of a Bristol Green councillor: "Ah, Birmingham's LTN caused 'polarising effects' and 'division within the local community'? Excellent! We must ensure ours are equally effective at fostering neighbourly discord!" Or perhaps, after seeing reports of "hostility and anger" in Lambeth leading to council workers needing "wellbeing days," they thought, "Now that's community engagement! We must strive for such passionate responses!"

It seems the Green Party's research methodology involves carefully avoiding any information that might contradict their pre-ordained vision of a car-free utopia. Are they unaware of the countless surveys showing overwhelming public opposition to these schemes elsewhere? Do they simply gloss over the inconvenient fact that, in many places, these schemes were imposed despite nearly nine in ten residents objecting? Or is it a more sophisticated strategy: to allow other cities to make all the mistakes, then valiantly replicate them here in Bristol, proving once and for all that Bristol can truly lead the nation in self-sabotage?

The removal of the South Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood's interactive map data, and the general obfuscation of consultation results, takes on a new, more sinister, yet utterly comical, dimension when viewed through this national lens. Why bother with transparent data when the experience of every other city already tells you what the public thinks? It's a pragmatic, if utterly undemocratic, approach. Why let reality get in the way of a perfectly good ideological crusade?

So, as Bristol braces itself for more "liveable" chaos, let us raise a glass to the Green Party leadership. They are not merely implementing policy; they are conducting a grand social experiment, seemingly oblivious to the prior findings of identical experiments across the land. It's not third-eye blindness; it's a deliberate, almost artistic, refusal to learn. And for that, Bristol Greens, you truly are in a league of your own.