Donald, the President went to Washington and said 'hello' to the circus.

Off he went with a Trumpety Trump. Trump, Trump, Trump.

Well, what can I say? After writing three, no, four pages of executive orders for how I expect my home to be run for the next four years, my owners - those felines named Bud and the other one whose name always escapes me, decided to have a clawing session on my notepad - quite possibly in protest, and, as they say, the rest is history, and the future Presidency of my home in as many tatters as the political career of our very own Liz Truss. Who? No, me neither!

Meanwhile, world politics! Where the grand theatre of human ambition unfolds, a stage littered with banana peels and the presence of a leader who, on the Dulux colour chart would be given the shade of 'treacle' in skin tone, and with his protagonists, a motley crew of diplomats, despots, and many a grovelling billionaire, grapple issues of both national and global importance with the grace of a toddler wrestling a greased pig.

Take, for instance, the esteemed Middle East envoy, a noble position dedicated to fostering peace and understanding, much like a kindergarten teacher trying to mediate a squabble between two sandcastle architects, and where resolutions are passed with the solemnity of a schoolyard vote, only to be promptly ignored by the very nations that authored them. Treaties, those solemn pacts of international cooperation, are as binding as a politician's promise during an election campaign – easily forgotten when more pressing matters arise, like, say, securing a lucrative arms deal with a sworn enemy.  

And let us not forget the glorious spectacle of this newly elected 'Treacle President' attending international summits, where world leaders gather to address the burning issues of our time. Imagine a room full of peacocks, each vying to out-strut the other, while simultaneously attempting to avoid stepping in the metaphorical droppings scattered liberally across the polished floor. Accusations fly, promises are made (and promptly broken), and the occasional diplomatic tantrum erupts, leaving a trail of bewildered aides and discarded coffee cups in its wake. Truly, a sight to behold.

Welcome to 2024.