#Bristol - Flamingos, Teeth & Nappy Nightmares: Where Did We Go Wrong?
From Bristol's bizarre installations to the shocking state of childhood care, a journey into the absurdities of modern parenting.
I think it all began with an installation of flamingos on Bristol's College Green recently, and from where I might've veered off course on my way to whatever point I was supposed to reach with a signpost denoting 'The Plot' - where, no doubt, I’d find further instructions.
Let it be said that I have absolutely no interest in children whatsoever. I went to school with a few, and they seemed okay, but that’s about it really. The only commonality being we share the same planet. Nonetheless, I do feel that whatever parenting skills I may, or truth be told, not have, do stretch to a mere sliver of common sense and practicality.
You see, the press tells us two-thirds of tooth removals are down to rot, and the government confirms that's burning a £40.7m hole in the NHS purse annually. That's a daily horror show of over 100 kids having their chompers yanked in hospital, all for a problem we could easily avoid. Just picture this: one poor dentist, eyes wide, having to surgically evict 18 teeth from a three-year-old, leaving them with a mere two survivors. And honestly, I'm betting that kid's festive wishlist extends way beyond "Two Front Teeth” as the song goes, and as Public Health England points out, with 90% of under-fives' tooth removals being entirely avoidable decay disasters.
Already, my mind takes a reversal to yesterday’s post when I talked about people abdicating responsibility to another, albeit in an entirely different context, admittedly, it still applies. Oh, and tooth decay is by no means a new story, by the way, when in 2023 the Liverpool Echo reported “Around 2,000 children in Liverpool will have had decayed teeth extracted by the age of five, and more than a third will have suffered from tooth decay.” So, what is the ‘tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth,’ about this matter, ‘parents' perhaps?.
The Echo goes on to say, “Too much sugar has also been linked with diabetes, cancer and an unhealthy weight, which in turn, can also cause psychological problems such as stress, low self-esteem and bullying.
Children aged four to 10 years should have no more than the equivalent of five to six cubes of sugar each day, but are consuming on average 13 cubes. This means they are on track to consume around 4,800 cubes of sugar by the end of the year, more than double the maximum recommendation.”
So, how does this happen?
Well, fellow guardians of tiny humans, we're deep-diving headfirst into the sugary abyss of childhood dental woes! Let's address the elephant in the dentist's chair: are we, as parents, the puppet masters of our toddlers' tooth decay?
Now, before you reach for the organic, unsweetened kale smoothie (which, let's be honest, ends up more on the highchair than in the mouth), let's acknowledge the complex tapestry of tiny teeth troubles. Yes, the headlines scream of "epidemics" and "shocking statistics," painting parents as sugar-pushing villain dealers. But is it really that simple?
The Blame Game: A Satirical Breakdown
The "Sugar Daddy/Mommy" Narrative: We're told we're fueling our kids with enough sugar to make Willy Wonka blush. But let's be real: who hasn't used a strategically placed biscuit to avert a public meltdown? You're not monsters; we're survivalists in a world of tantrum-prone toddlers.
The "Neglectful Ninja" Accusation: "Parents aren't brushing enough!" they cry. As if wrangling a miniature, wriggling crocodile with a toothbrush is an Olympic sport. You're not neglecting; we're engaging in a daily battle of wills, often ending with a sticky, minty stalemate.
The "Juice Juggernaut" Theory: "Fruit juice is the enemy!" they proclaim. True, maybe. But have you tried explaining the nuanced difference between "natural sugars" and "added sugars" to a four-year-old demanding apple juice? It's like explaining quantum physics to a goldfish.
A Responsible Counterpoint (Because I’m Not Entirely Joking)
Education is Key (and Often Lacking): Let's face it, many parents are winging it. Clear, accessible information about dental hygiene for young children is vital. Not just about brushing, but about dietary choices and the hidden sugars in "healthy" snacks.
Accessibility Matters: Not everyone has access to affordable dental care. Long waiting lists and financial constraints can turn minor issues into major extractions. We need to advocate for better access to dental services for all children.
It's a Societal Issue: We live in a society saturated with sugary products. From birthday parties to playdates, sweet treats are ubiquitous. We need to create a culture that prioritises healthier alternatives and promotes mindful consumption.
Empowerment, Not Shame: While it is important to educate parents about the dangers of excessive sugar, shaming and blaming parents will not solve the problem. Encouragement and support are much more effective. Even if they are twats.
P.S. If anyone has a foolproof method for brushing a toddler's teeth without resorting to bribery or wrestling, please share and it’ll be passed on. We're all ears (and hopefully, still have all our teeth).
But wait, it doesn’t stop there, no! That only covers the front end. You know, where it goes in? It’s the other (exit) end that’s seemingly the far bigger story.
Ah, the halcyon days of education. Remember when a teacher's primary concerns were the correct application of long division and the subtle art of not running with scissors? Those days, it seems, are as distant as the era of chalk dust and inkwells.
Recent reports suggest that the modern educator's remit has expanded, shall we say, significantly. We're not just talking about the nuances of Shakespearean sonnets anymore. No, aside from the practicalities of oral hygiene, teaching staff have now added an additional skill not provided for within their education degree. The delicate art of nappy changing.
Yes, nappies. It appears that some schools are encountering children who, shall we say, haven't quite mastered the art of self-sufficiency. This has led to the somewhat unexpected situation of teachers becoming impromptu caregivers, deftly navigating the complexities of sanitary disposal and ensuring the comfort of their young charges. One can only imagine the staff meetings: "Right, after we've covered the water cycle, we'll move on to the practical demonstration of nappy changing. Any questions?"
One might be tempted to ask, "Where have all the parents gone?" But let's be pragmatic. Modern life is a whirlwind, and perhaps these schools are simply filling a gap. Or perhaps they are simply being asked to do too much. Either way, they are doing it with the stiff upper lip that is expected of them.
It does make one wonder what the next addition to the curriculum will be? Perhaps nursery schools will soon be offering courses in basic home maintenance, or maybe even advanced culinary skills, teaching children how to cook a balanced meal while simultaneously reciting the periodic table.
The future of education, it seems, is less about abstract concepts and more about the nitty-gritty realities of daily life. And who knows? Perhaps these newly acquired skills will prove invaluable. After all, shouldn’t a well-rounded child nowadays be one who can not only solve quadratic equations at three years old, but also maintain a clinical level of personal hygiene fit for a hospital operating theatre, or, is this expecting too much? Perhaps not, given the parental abdication of responsibility that’s not too far off setting their offspring on a paper round, to bring extra cash into the household.
Yes, it’s ridiculous, I know. However, when I see the number of teens to early twenties mums on social media with not much of an education, and who seem to think that all they’re good for in life is breeding. Again, it does make me wonder.
Maybe I’m just out of touch, but I’ve always had the view that in a competitive workforce marketplace, before children are even considered, a professional qualification, or two, and a solid and hopefully well-paid career with great prospects for advancement are the cornerstone for most women, at least, to start with.
