Has Anyone Checked My Drink Lately? Here's A Deep Dive Into My Suspicions About Ayahuasca-Induced Political Reality.

Folks, I’m starting to have some serious questions. Not about the existential nature of being, or the migratory patterns of the lesser-spotted wombat.

No, my concerns are far more… terrestrial. Specifically, they revolve around the increasingly baffling state of global politics, and my nagging suspicion that I’ve been slipped a mickey. And by “mickey,” I mean a hefty dose of ayahuasca.

Think about it. One minute you’re enjoying a perfectly normal Sunday, debating the merits of pineapple on pizza (for the record, it’s a culinary crime), the next you’re watching world leaders engage in what can only be described as a competitive game of “Who Can Make the Most Outlandish Statement.” Suddenly, logic is out the window, facts are mere suggestions, and everyone’s wearing those weird red hats. It's like a fever dream designed by a committee of hyperactive magpies.

Now, I’m no expert on hallucinogenic substances. My knowledge is limited to what I’ve gleaned from documentaries where people hug trees and have profound conversations with their inner hamsters. But if those documentaries are to be believed (and let’s face it, they’re more believable than some news outlets these days), ayahuasca unlocks hidden realities, right? So, what if the reality I’ve unlocked is… well, this? A reality where grown adults throw tantrums on Twitter and the concept of “diplomacy” involves subtweeting your adversaries with a string of eggplant emojis.

It all adds up! The sudden urge to question everything, the feeling that I’m living in a simulation designed by a particularly mischievous AI, the constant low-level hum of existential dread. These aren't just signs of ageing, people. These are the classic symptoms of a prolonged, intense, possibly involuntary ayahuasca trip.

I’ve started retracing my steps. Was there a suspicious shaman lurking near the supermarket checkout? Did someone offer me a “special blend” of herbal tea at that Caffe Nero? Was the sudden appearance of that talking squirrel discussing the effect of global warming on his nuts in my car park not just a particularly vivid dream? These are the questions that keep me up at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I should invest in a good tin foil hat that, like most other items, can probably be found in a Poundland near you, as another import from China.

So, I’m putting it out there. Has anyone else experienced this sudden, inexplicable shift into a reality that feels… chemically enhanced? If so, please, reach out. We can form a support group. We can write strongly worded letters to… well, someone. And maybe, just maybe, we can figure out who’s been spiking the global water supply with ayahuasca. Because frankly, I’m starting to think this whole “alternative facts” thing is just a really, really long, really, really bad trip.