I Am Not Insane. Just Voluntarily Indifferent To Conventional Rationality.
Sod politics. It took me long enough to escape from the asylum of life, never mind politics!
What a week this has been, and, today being Sunday, I'm curious to learn what the next few days will bring now that we are officially in June.
After reviewing my thoughts on whether to stand as a candidate in the forthcoming general election the decision not to stand after all was for the best. As much as I would have received a reasonable amount of support and votes I was always fifty-fifty as to whether I should put myself forward, and I have to say I'm actually pleased that in the end, it was not to be.
Having spoken with an advisor who said it would not be such a good idea, within a day of this, I was sitting here at the keyboard adding the final touches to my previous post and the only way I can describe what happened next was like some kind of mental electric surge, almost like a mild electric shock where momentarily my vision completely blurred, and had I been standing up at that time I doubt if I'd have remained on my feet. Maybe I'd just been staring at the keyboard for too long, I didn't know as this was something I'd never experienced before, and decided it would probably be best if I could make my way to the bedroom for a lay down while not even being sure I'd be able to make it that far on my feet.
So, I fumbled my way to the bedroom with somewhat limited vision, and within a minute, or two, of sitting on my bed it all slowly began to pass and I felt not altogether fine, admittedly, just almost back to full speed again. Well, eyesight-wise, at least. The only real outcome from this rather odd experience was what felt like memory slippage.
Nothing too serious, thankfully, just random things in the moment that five minutes later I had to question as to whether I'd completed them, or not, and having to go back and check. My only hope is that it's not the beginning of something far more serious, such as dementia, or I'll be forgoing the trip to Switzerland in favour of a DIY job here in England.
It's hard having to accept the fact that I'm not, perhaps, as agile as I used to be - both mentally and physically, it simply wasn't until this week that it finally hit me, and parliament would probably finish me off with all of its hustle and bustle. So, I’m now opting for a more sedentary life where I just write seems like the more sensible option.
Of course, this doesn't prevent me from being as outspoken and challenging as I am, only that parliament would have given me a stronger and louder voice with a reach of far more people than this. It's not a decision I'm entirely happy with as I believe there is a strong contingency in Bristol for a voice aside from party politics who is not in any way career-minded, and, like it, or not, will be the Almighty Gob for the unheard. However, it's something I'll have to learn to accept, and be grateful for in the longer term, I'm sure.
Well, as they say, when one door closes another opens, and this time in the form of an all-new, shiny, partner, named Keisha. I've always been very philosophical and accepting of events in my life as they all happen for a reason, and more importantly enable us to grow within ourselves as a teaching/learning experience which I always find really interesting, and of which, Keisha is no exception. People are, I guess, a little like Christmas presents. You have a pretty good idea of what you've got but don't get to find out until all the wrapping is off. Keisha, and I, have been on the perimeter of one another’s lives for some time now as nothing more than casual acquaintances who stopped and chatted in the street.
Somehow, it all changed last week by means of coincidence, karma, or whatever. We chatted as I was sat outside one of my usual morning haunts for the requisite hot chocolate to kickstart my daily routine, and low and behold, the Keisha appeared. We began the first of many more substantial conversations that led to a real attraction of personalities between us. The first thing I noticed of significance was just how loud she was, which subsequently revealed itself as a hearing issue. Oh, and the fact that she also has ADHD and can talk at a rate of knots even Concorde would make its manufacturers proud of.
However, she proved to be such a kind-hearted and caring soul that it wasn't difficult to warm to her quite quickly. I subsequently discovered that she was homeless, and, having been there myself I resonated with her story of how she became homeless through domestic violence, as aside from the latter I too had once been homeless, and, to all intents and purposes living on the outside of what the majority may see as 'normality'. If you've read 'The Sexual Philanthropist' you'll already be aware of my peripatetic lifestyle from teenage onwards, and a far from 'normal' life until recent years. I'm aware of not being like many others, in as much as having what most would consider a 'normal' life. You know, growing up within a family, meeting a girl, getting married and having a career and kids - all that stuff those considered 'normal' would do.
My life has been one of living on the edge of society and being exactly the opposite of everyone else. I've fought battles and wars within myself of one form, or another, and won. My life has been anything but cushy, and, along the way I've had to undertake a lot of work on myself and learn hard-won lessons in some cases that haven't always been on the right side of the law from living on the edge for nearly all my life this far.
Albeit for the past fifteen years, or so, anyway.
To be honest, if it wasn't for age and the recognition of deteriorating health I would probably still be living the peripatetic life and enjoying the freedoms I don't have nowadays since becoming what the Romany Gypsies would call a 'Gorja', even though in reality my heart is still out there while my head is in whatever constitutes the 'normal' land of everyday society to be - and I'm still not sure what this actually means when all I see is increasing chaos and insecurity in the world around me.
When I see van life increasing as I do almost every day now it tugs on my heartstrings and causes me to question whether I did the right thing when moving away from the 'Gorja' life to having the stability of a roof over my head in bricks and mortar terms. I find it shocking that what used to be a lifestyle 'choice' for a few has now become a lifestyle 'necessity' for a greater many than I would have ever expected in the less than grand finale of my life expectancy nowadays.
So, back to Keisha, and how the above dovetails with my own life. Keisha is a born survivor, in as much as whatever life has thrown at her she has dealt with it, and very much like myself, at times unsuccessfully.
Yet, her strength and determination to battle on regardless very much mirrors my own experiences. With so many people out there for whatever they can get she is refreshingly genuine, and constantly reflects the real desire to better herself and her circumstances, as I did myself all those years back. The resonance could almost be described as uncanny in seeing a younger version of myself who was once. Though, albeit in her case female.
While some would no doubt say that she is using me to her advantage, or, indeed, the other way around. Well, trust me when I say I've had more than my fair share of life's users, and compared to them Keisha - for all the human faults she has, is still the polar opposite of many others left in her wake, and without a great deal of effort on my part to break into the normality of life and tolerate the expectations put upon me by those whose lifestyle is the polar opposite of my own, is brilliant to be with given we are pretty much on the same page of life. It just took us a while to find each other.
