It's Easter Weekend and I'm Stuck on a Crossword Clue. 2 Across - Q. Where Was Jesus Nailed?

It's a Jesus Weekend, and in my role as the ‘Almighty Gob’ I preach comments in typical form from the pulpit of satire. Amen.

Does anyone know what was actually good about Friday? Severe hailstones, perhaps? Our NHS still in dire straits, people continuing to use food banks, and migration sorted?

Never mind, it's all good on Good Friday because Jesus died for us, apparently, and this alone makes all the hardship and misery we now face in the world worthwhile. Knowing what we all know now it should come as no great surprise he was nailed to a cross at that time for what would become arguably some of the greatest crimes against humanity by humanity.

As someone who was brought up as a Roman Catholic, you may well be surprised to read such a bold statement from me. No doubt there will be those who deem me as blasphemous, even a heretic committing the most egregious of cardinal sins, and for this, I should be cast into the fires of hell forever.

To this very day, I still struggle to get my head around the fact that some people in the world choose to believe what's probably one of the best human-control fairy stories ever written. Let alone places called heaven and hell.

Anyway, here we are. It's Easter weekend and I'm stuck on a crossword clue. 2 across - Q. Where was Jesus nailed? This might take a while as it's several years since I last attended church and nearly all memories of religion have since faded. I may well have to put it down to another of the remaining unanswered anomalies. Such as how an ethereal being managed to have a son in real life; so the story goes, through a virgin woman. As stated (among a great many other things) in my book 'The Sexual Philanthropist' such an event nowadays would be a complete sellout at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

Better still, it would take one heck of an illusionist to put on a show where he was nailed to a cross, died, and then emerged within a few days full of life and firing on all cylinders as if nothing happened. Pretty damn impressive even by Netflix programme audience popularity. Beat that, Harry and Meghan.

So, what's changed since the Romans vacated Jesus’ territory back in the day? Not a lot really, as two-thousand years or so later quite a few issues related to religion lead the way where conflict is concerned. Such as the location of holy sites and acrimonious divorce-worthy narratives which totally screw the potential for any peace between Islam and Judaism. On one side of the religious divorce battle, extreme Zionists make protestations regarding how the Jewish state should be, while their Islamist co-respondents have their own version of liberating all that's holy to the Zionists, and preach hatred and violence as a means of winning the divorce battle by use of terrorism - and for which they are now proscribed as a terrorist organisation.

All of which brings me on to a growing bunch of airheads who deserve to have their colons cleansed using bleach and wire wool, as it's entirely pointless going any further up their bodies to their heads because compared to the more sane and rational of people in the world, these airheads have spaces in their brains that any alleged signs of previous rationality and commonsense appear to have vacated long ago - if ever there in the first place.

These are the pro-Palestine gormless idiots who espouse the boycott of Israeli goods and services and make two short planks look like the most sophisticated computer technology in the world while using their Apple and Android phones to touch base with other idiots of the same ilk and do their best to influence more normal people into not buying Israeli goods and services, they do so completely oblivious to the fact that the phones they are using include technology developed by Israeli companies. Will these pillocks give up their phones in protest though? Somehow I think not. Oh, and don't use Windows apps either folks. Guess why?

Any chance these lunatics may have a firewall installed on their computers? Take a guess at this too. If your mental capacity has provided you with the means to follow so far and you are not a boycott numpty, it shouldn't take long.

I bet many of them also drive cars, provided they could afford one in the first place. Well, it's more bad news, I'm afraid. It looks like webuyanycar.com and auction sites will be busy in future when the idiots put their cars up for sale because the navigation system was more than likely based on Israeli tech. Oh, and speaking of transport, I wonder how many will cancel their holiday flights abroad this year, since our airport security systems are packed with Israeli technology.

And before I forget. Should any of them, their relatives and friends have cancer they may as well go home, take shit loads of morphine and die in bed. Why? Because it's more than likely cancer treatments offered by the NHS will have been invented in Israel. Equally, anyone who has a stent implanted should get it removed with immediate effect as a boycott protest against Israel, which, by a strange coincidence also invented it.

Ever heard of a 'SniffPhone'? Probably not, but it's a piece of medical equipment that can actually 'sniff out' diseases. It works like a breathalyser and detects cancer of the gastric and lung varieties, as well as Parkinsons, dementia, MS and many other illnesses. What about the 'Pillcam', heard of this? Who'd have guessed it was an Israeli invention in the shape of a minicam that takes photos of the intestinal tract?

Still, as long as the boycott idiots remain all self-satisfied and happily virtue-signalling in blissful ignorance, why should they let facts get in the way of personal feelings and emotional incontinence, huh? Anyway, whatever else these lunatics do, they should not take my sardonic and non-medically trained advice. While remembering at all times that any such attempt at shortening their lives should not be conducted without first seeking the advice of a medically qualified practitioner, and preferably one outside the jurisdiction of Geneva.

With all that said, I now find myself back where I began, whenever that was two thousand or so years ago, and what was good about Friday, again?