I've Just Written Your Biography - Would You Mind Taking a Moment to Check It, Please?
Why Most People Live Trapped Between Past Regret and Future Anxiety.
You know, I have one of those brains that feels like it travels at a billion miles an hour, and I’ve learned from experience that can make me very unwell. So I studied various spiritual beliefs. Not religious - I packed that one in many, many years ago when I decided Catholicism wasn’t for me.
The one that resonated, in certain ways, was Buddhist philosophy of the here and now. What happened a minute ago is history - irrelevant. What happens in a minute’s time - irrelevant. Be present in the moment.
I trained in person-centred counselling over 20 years ago. Carl Rogers - the psychologist who developed self-actualisation theory - called this the “actualising tendency.” The innate drive every person has toward becoming who they actually are. That Buddhist practice I discovered? It unlocked what Rogers spent his career researching. I’ve been applying this approach for over two decades now, and it’s what enables the clarity in my work.
And having got into that practice, my life changed pretty dramatically. It allowed me to step back from the norm - if there is such a thing, because normality is subjective. But yeah, it allowed me to step back and think with clarity. First time ever.
And I think it’s what enables me to write these blog articles with what I regard as such clarity. I’m not emotionally invested. Whereas a lot of people are. They see things how they’re perceived to be, not necessarily as they are.
Think about that difference for a second. You’re seeing it already, aren’t you?
Look, you can stop reading now if you like. I won’t be offended. You’ve got the idea. You can close this tab, get back to scrolling, carry on with your day.
But if you do that, you’ll miss the good stuff.
Your choice.
Still here? Right then.
Living in the Moment.
Living in the moment means this: what happened yesterday is done. You don’t change it. Give it a pass. Let it go. What might happen tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. You don’t control it. The only thing that actually exists - the only moment you have any real power in - is right now.
Most people don’t live in the now. They’re replaying arguments from last week. Worrying about bills next month. Regretting decisions from years ago. Being apologists for other people’s choices - especially those closest to us. Their mind is anywhere except where they actually are.
You’ve done this, haven’t you? Everyone has.
And here’s what that actually is: self-flagellation. Dwelling on things you did in the past that you can’t change? Dwelling on things you didn’t do that you can’t go back and fix? Making excuses for other people’s behavior that you had no control over? That’s just punishing yourself for no reason. It serves no purpose. Doesn’t fix anything. Doesn’t undo what happened. Doesn’t create the opportunity you missed. Doesn’t change their choices. Just keeps you trapped in a loop of regret while the present moment - the only one you actually have power in - passes you by.
And here’s what that does: it clouds your thinking. You’re not seeing what’s in front of you - you’re seeing it through a filter of past resentments and future anxieties.
Buddhist practice teaches you to just be here. Notice what’s actually happening, not what you wish happened or fear might happen. Observe without judgment. See the situation as it is, not as your emotions tell you it should be.
When you do that consistently? Your mind clears. You start seeing patterns other people miss because they’re too busy being angry or afraid or hopeful. You ask simple questions: Is this practical? Is this logical? What’s likely to happen?
That’s the practice. Be here. See clearly. Think without the emotional noise.
Simple, right? But how many people actually do it?
The Three S’s.
But here’s what I discovered: you don’t achieve that clarity while swimming in chaos. There’s a reason I work through the night. It’s because that’s when I can access what I call the Three S’s: Stillness, Silence, and Solitude.
Stillness means the world has stopped demanding things from you. No phones ringing. No people needing responses. No constant interruptions. Your mind settles. Like water in a glass - when you stop shaking it, the sediment sinks and you can see clearly.
You know that feeling, don’t you? When everything finally stops and your thoughts can actually form?
Silence is different from quiet. Quiet is just low noise. Silence is the absence of distraction. No background chatter. No television. No music filling the gaps. Just space for your thoughts to form properly.
Most people are terrified of silence because when it arrives, they have to face what they’ve been avoiding. But if you want clarity, you sit in that silence and let it do its work.
When was the last time you experienced actual silence? Think about it.
Solitude isn’t loneliness. Loneliness is wanting company you don’t have. Solitude is choosing to be alone because that’s when you think best. No social performance. No managing other people’s emotions. No adjusting your thoughts to fit the room. Just you and the work.
These three things together create the conditions for real thinking. Not reactive thinking. Not emotional thinking. Not tribal thinking. Deep, clear, methodical analysis. The kind that sees patterns others miss because they’re too busy, too loud, too surrounded by noise and opinion to notice what’s actually there.
You’re starting to see it now, aren’t you?
The Monk on the Mountaintop.
Picture this: a Buddhist monk sitting on a mountaintop. Completely still. Silent. Alone.
Most people look at that image and think it’s about escape. Running away from the world. Finding “inner peace” by avoiding life’s problems.
They’ve got it backwards.
That monk isn’t running from anything. He’s creating the conditions to see clearly. He’s removed himself from the noise - not because he’s weak, but because he understands something fundamental: you don’t think clearly in chaos.
The mountaintop isn’t the goal. Clarity is the goal. The mountaintop is just where you find the stillness, silence, and solitude that makes clarity possible.
And here’s what matters: you don’t need an actual mountain. I sit in a room at three in the morning. Same principle. Different location.
You’re getting this, right?
If you want to see things as they actually are, not as everyone tells you they are, you need to create space where your mind works without interference. Where you’re not performing for anyone. Not managing expectations. Not reacting to the last notification or the next obligation.
That’s what the monk figured out centuries ago. And it still works today. The method hasn’t changed. Just the location.
The Bombardment.
Politics. Religion. War. News. Advertising. We are literally being bombarded 24/7 with noise designed to keep you in a constant state of emotional reaction.
You feel it, don’t you? That constant pull on your attention?
Every headline engineered to make you angry. Every notification designed to pull you out of the present moment. Every algorithm optimised to keep you scrolling, clicking, reacting - never thinking.
They don’t want you thinking. They want you feeling. Because when you’re emotional, you’re predictable. You click. You share. You buy. You vote based on fear or anger rather than clarity.
And most people spend their entire lives in that state. Constantly reactive. Never settled. Never clear.
Look around. You see it everywhere, don’t you?
The Three S’s are the antidote.
In stillness, nothing is demanding your immediate response.
In silence, nothing is shouting at you to feel a certain way.
In solitude, there’s no crowd pressure pushing you toward a tribal position.
And without those external triggers constantly firing, your emotions settle. Return to baseline. And that’s when you think clearly about what you’re actually being told, who benefits from you believing it, and whether it stands up to basic scrutiny.
You’ve experienced this before, haven’t you? Those rare moments when everything quiets down and suddenly things just make sense?
The Choice.
The choice for all of us is to accept or reject.
Accept the bombardment - the noise, the manipulation, the constant emotional triggers telling you how to think, what to fear, who to blame. Let other people’s agendas shape your reality.
Or reject it.
Step back into stillness, silence, and solitude. Strip away the conditioning and find out who you actually are underneath all those layers of expectation and manipulation.
When you know who you are - really know, because you’ve done the work in the stillness - nobody tells you who you should be. When you’ve trained your mind to observe without immediate emotional reaction, the 24/7 outrage cycle loses its power over you.
That’s the choice. Accept the bombardment and let it shape you. Or reject it, find yourself, and defend that clarity.
Think about where you are right now. Which side of that choice are you on?
What Becomes Possible.
My articles documenting institutional accountability are built from the ability to look at what was promised, what was delivered, what the numbers actually show - without needing any particular outcome. Just observing what is.
That clarity? That’s what becomes possible when you create the conditions for real thinking.
And here’s the thing I’ve realised: my brain still travels at a billion miles an hour. But now I know what to do with that. The Buddhist practice didn’t slow it down. It gave me the framework to channel it. The Three S’s didn’t make me normal - they made me useful.
So when someone tells me I have a talent for writing, I still don’t quite know what to say. Because it’s not talent. It’s just what happens when you stop letting other people’s noise control your thinking. When you find your mountaintop - whether that’s an actual mountain or a room at 3am. When you do the work.
You see things as they are. Not as you’re told they are.
And once you see it, you can’t look away.
You know what I mean, don’t you?
My final thought: Are you incontinent or constipated?
If you have to think about the answer, read on.
But here’s the question I keep coming back to: How did we begin this pathway of learned helplessness in the first place?
How did humanity go from thinking clearly to accepting the bombardment as normal? When did we collectively decide that reactive emotional states were acceptable? Who benefits from keeping us there?
That’s what we’ll explore next.
END OF PART 1
I've just written your biography.
You're trapped between past regret and future anxiety. Never present. Never still. Your brain running at a billion miles an hour and you think that's just how life is.
It isn't.
Buddhist philosophy + Carl Rogers' self-actualisation theory = The Three S's: Stillness, Silence, Solitude.
20+ years practicing this. 88 articles proving it works.
Here's how you escape.
#self-actualisation #person-centred therapy #actualising-tendency #humanistic-psychology #personal-growth #unconditional-positive-regard #congruence #self-concept #fully-functioning-person #Carl_Rogers
I've just written your biography.
You're trapped between past regret and future anxiety. Never present. Never still. Your brain running at a billion miles an hour and you think that's just how life is.
It isn't.
Buddhist philosophy + Carl Rogers' self-actualisation theory = The Three S's: Stillness, Silence, Solitude.
20+ years practicing this. 88 articles proving it works.
Here's how you escape.
#self-actualisation #person-centred therapy #actualising tendency #humanistic psychology #personal-growth #unconditional-positive-regard #congruence #self-concept #fully-functioning- person #Carl_Rogers