Lord Ego of Stapleton Road: From City Hall to "Cash for Chat."

Ah, Marvin (ego) Rees, now the Right Honourable Lord Rees of Easton (aka Stapleton Road, and Harvard’s answer to Ali G), has graced us with yet another masterclass in post-political self-enrichment. One might say he's less "Lord of the Rings" and more "Lord of the Deals." Fresh from his mayoral reign, where some may say (but not me) he confused Bristol City Council's coffers with his own piggy bank, he's now regaling the world with tales of his "consultancy work and public speaking."

His newly minted company, Three and Two Ltd (the clear sign of a ‘Countdown’ viewer), while also being a name that surely reflects the number of ethical boundaries he's willing to cross, has been raking in the dosh. Clients include Ameresco, Cambridge Management Consulting, and the usual suspects from the global do-gooder circuit. But it’s the Ameresco and Empire Fighting Chance entries that truly sing of "transparency."

Let's begin with Ameresco, the billion-pound Bristol City Leap project. A "public-private partnership," they called it. One might also call it a "pre-retirement nest egg." Lord Rees, now a paid speaker for Ameresco, seems to have forgotten the minor detail that he was the very chap who signed off on their lucrative deal with Bristol City Council. A coincidence? I think not! More like a masterclass in "strategic networking."

And then there's Empire Fighting Chance. Ah, the charity that received a 999-year lease on prime Easton real estate for the princely sum of a peppercorn. A mere technicality that he was their "volunteer ambassador" while simultaneously approving their land grab. Never mind the £820,000 windfall from the October Club, secured with a little mayoral schmoozing at the Savoy. Purely coincidental, I assure you!

Our Lord Rees, ever the champion of the people, has found a way to monetise something he refers to as his "expertise." No, me neither! His expertise, of course, is navigating the murky waters of public contracts and charitable donations. He speaks of "race, class, and international development," all while lining his pockets with the very deals he orchestrated.

One can only imagine the TED Talks: "How to Turn Public Service into Personal Profit: A Masterclass by Lord Rees." Or perhaps, "The Art of the Peppercorn Lease: Maximising Your Return on Community Assets."

I sort of imagine the newly appointed Lord Ego of Easton as fundamentally a Harvard-educated ‘Ali G’ type character trying to play the posh boy in the Upper Chamber of Government, and how his first day went in his head.

“Right, right, listen up you lot in your fancy robes and stuff! Lord Rees of Easton, innit! Yeah, the Mayor, the one and only! Well, former Mayor now, but still, once a Mayor, always a Mayor in my massive brain, yeah?

So, like, you lot been chinwagging about serious bizness, right? Brexit and biscuits and whatever. But lemme tell you, my time running Bristol? Dat was real bizness! I’m talking levels you ain’t even dreamt of in your sleepy little committees.

See, when I was in charge, Bristol was BOOMIN’! Yeah! Like, I had so many plans, my head was practically exploding with pure genius. We were gonna have, like, flying trams and underwater libraries and everyone was gonna be cycling everywhere on gold-plated Marvin bikes! It was gonna be the future, innit? The Reesolution!

Okay, okay, so maybe the flying trams didn’t quite take off. And the fish kept eating the blueprints for the underwater library. And some people complained about the gold plating being a bit heavy. Details, innit? The big picture was there! I was this close to making Bristol the most futuristic, most happenin’ place on the planet!

And now? Now I’m a Lord! Yeah! Lord Rees of Easton! Sounds proper posh, dunnit? Like some kind of medieval superhero! And lemme tell you, the power is still flowin’!

I’m now, like, advising all these massive companies. Amaresco, yeah? Big energy stuff. They call me up, sayin’, “Lord Rees, bruv, your mayoral vision was so… visionary! Tell us, like, how do we make more… electricity… but, like, cooler?” And I’m there, droppin’ knowledge bombs, innit? Telling ‘em about the vibes and the… the… sustainable… stuff. They’re well impressed, trust me.

Then there’s Cambridge Management! Proper brainy lot, yeah? They’re all like, “Lord Rees, your strategic brilliance in… uh… navigating the complex landscape of local governance…” Blah blah blah. Basically, they want my magic touch! They see my mayoral reign and they’re like, “This guy knows how to manage things! Even if those things didn’t always, like, actually happen.”

And the best bit? My connection to the streets is still strong, yeah? I’m with ‘empire fighting chance’! Boxing club in Bristol! Proper grassroots stuff. I go down there, the kids are all like, “Lord Rees! The Mayor! (Well, former Mayor, but still!) Teach us your moves!” And I’m showin’ ‘em my… my… strategic ducking and weaving techniques. It’s all about resilience, innit? Just like my time in office! You gotta roll with the punches, even if most of ‘em land.

So yeah, you lot can talk about your bills and your debates. But remember, you’re in the presence of a true visionary! A man who almost single-handedly transformed Bristol into a utopia of slightly delayed and occasionally impractical ideas! And now, as a Lord, my influence? It’s, like, ten times bigger! The world better watch out, ‘cos Lord Rees is just gettin’ started! Booyakasha!”

So, let us raise a glass to Lord (Ego) Rees of Easton, the man who proves that public service can indeed be a lucrative career, if you play your cards right. And by "right," I mean "ethically dubious."