Martin Kemp’s #Bristol Visit: Why the #EastEnders Star’s Sponsored Rail Trip Missed the Real Bristol.

Former Spandau Ballet bassist and EastEnders actor Martin Kemp took a Great Western Railway-sponsored trip to Bristol - but did he really experience the city? Bristol Post’s Ellie Kendall investigates

So, according to Bristol Post journalist, Ellie Kendall, ex Spandau Ballet bass player and latterly EastEnders actor Martin Kemp took a sponsored rail trip to Bristol. God knows why here, of all places, but he did. But there again, compared to the fictional Walford, even Gaza might be considered more interesting.

Yeah, Gaza. That’s the comparison we’re working with here. Walford versus Gaza. One’s a war-torn strip of land caught in an endless cycle of violence and despair—the other’s in the Middle East. In Walford, people are getting hit by cars on Christmas, having secret babies in the laundrette, and discovering their husband is actually their cousin. It’s like a Greek tragedy written by someone who failed GCSE drama.

So Martin Kemp takes a sponsored rail trip to Bristol. Bristol. You know what Bristol is? It’s what happens when a city gets pissed and forgets where it parked itself. It’s got a harbour, but it’s not quite by the sea. It’s got culture, but it’s not quite London. It’s like the middle child of British cities—just trying to get someone to notice it exists.

And apparently, the only way Bristol can get attention is by importing a bass player from a New Romantic band that peaked when people thought shoulder pads were a good idea. Spandau Ballet! These blokes dressed like they were auditioning for a Miami Vice reboot in Elizabethan England. “True” this, “Gold” that—meanwhile, Martin’s standing there going thump thump thump on four strings whilst Tony Hadley’s doing all the heavy lifting.

Then he moves to EastEnders—because when your music career is circling the drain, the natural progression is to pretend to live in a fictional East London hellscape where everyone’s either having an affair, running a dodgy scheme, or serving watery beer in a pub that looks like it smells of despair and stale crisps.

And NOW—now—he’s on a sponsored rail trip. A sponsored. Rail. Trip. You know what that means? That means some railway company looked at their marketing budget and thought, “You know what’ll get people excited about our delayed, overcrowded trains with toilets that don’t work? A bloke who played a fictional hardman on a soap opera twenty years ago!”

Bristol probably rolled out a red carpet made of recycled Banksy stencils just to feel relevant for an afternoon. Meanwhile, Martin’s looking out the train window thinking, “I used to play Wembley Arena. Now I’m getting a free sandwich on the 10:47 to Temple Meads.”

And according to Ellie Kendall—who has to actually REPORT on this—Martin Kemp’s visit left Bristol “reeling and wondering if he’s ever seen a bridge before.”

THAT’S NOT EVEN IN BRISTOL, MARTIN!

You see what happened here? They put this bloke on a train, gave him a free ride with some sad complimentary sandwich, sent him to promote Bristol, and the man posts a photo of a bridge THAT ISN’T EVEN IN THE RIGHT CITY. It’s like hiring someone to promote the Eiffel Tower and they take a selfie at the Space Needle!

This is peak celebrity endorsement in 2025. Get a bloke who peaked in the ‘80s, can’t tell one British city from another, stick him on public transport, and pray nobody notices when he geotags the wrong infrastructure!

So Ellie Kendall—who’s got a signed photo of Martin Kemp on her shelf, no less—was excited when she saw he’d visited Bristol, until she actually read the article. Turns out it was a blatant advert for Great Western Railway where Martin did the full tourist checklist: ferry round the Floating Harbour, marvelling at Brunel’s SS Great Britain like he’d never seen a ship before, gawping at the 12th Century cathedral, popping into Bristol Old Vic (which he called “just mad” because it opened in 1766), and of course—of course—calling Banksy’s ‘Girl with the Pierced Eardrum’ “a modern-day Mona Lisa.” Because apparently, there’s no other street art in Bristol worth mentioning. He even admitted his wife Shirlie’s the one who likes sightseeing whilst he’d rather sit in a café people-watching, then ended his “mini break” with dinner overlooking the Clifton Suspension Bridge, declaring it “ginormous” and “breathtaking” as if he’d never seen a bloody bridge before. Never mind that he’d actually played a DJ set in Bristol just five months earlier—this was all presented like his first voyage to the New World.

But here’s where it gets properly mental: Martin’s “top picks” included the usual suspects (M Shed, Bristol Museum, another Banksy walking tour because apparently one mention wasn’t enough), and then under “family fun” he listed We The Curious and Bristol Aquarium before crowning his “spontaneous delights” category with—wait for it—a trip to Bath. BATH! In a sponsored post meant to promote Bristol, GWR’s letting him recommend their closest rival, the city that already nicks all the tourists anyway! No mention of Bristol’s diverse communities, its acclaimed foodie scene that’s had royal approval, its legendary music scene where his fellow 80s icons still perform, or any street art that isn’t Banksy (who, let’s be honest, is massively overrated to many Bristolians). And if you’re going to be completely clichéd about Bristol, there’s not even a single mention of hot air balloons! Ellie’s looking directly at that signed photo on her shelf now, saying she’s disappointed—and if Martin ever comes back, BristolLive would love to show him what the city’s really about.

Right, so let’s give Martin the real Bristol tour, shall we? Forget gawping at the Clifton Suspension Bridge like some wide-eyed tourist who’s never seen cables before—let’s take him on a proper tour of the city.

First stop: Broadmead on a Saturday, where he can meet the protesters outside Barclays Bank. Finally, a chance for Martin to put his EastEnders expertise to good use! He can stand there coaching them: “A little more pathos here, love. When you’re holding that placard about fossil fuel divestment, I need to see pain. Think about Phil Mitchell finding out Grant slept with Sharon—that’s the energy we’re after.” He could do a whole masterclass. “Right, when the security guard asks you to move along, don’t just comply—give me a meaningful pause, a look to camera three, and then the dramatic exit. Remember: every protest is basically Albert Square on a Tuesday.”

Then we bundle him into an ambulance for an extended 999 call to Barton Hill—the scenic route that now takes ten minutes longer thanks to Bristol’s traffic management genius. He can time it, maybe live-tweet the experience: “Mile 1: Still in the ambulance. Mile 2: Still in the ambulance. This is longer than my entire character arc as Steve Owen.”

And while he’s experiencing Bristol’s delightful transport infrastructure firsthand, he can start drafting a script to take back to Walford’s producers. Picture it: EastEnders becomes the first soap opera set entirely in a Low Traffic Neighbourhood! The Vic is now only accessible by bicycle. Phil Mitchell’s trying to run his dodgy car lot, but can’t actually drive any cars anywhere. Stacey’s having a breakdown because the school run now requires a three-mile detour. The entire Christmas Day episode is just people stuck in traffic, honking horns, shouting at bollards. The dramatic “duff duff” at the end is just the sound of someone reversing into a concrete planter they didn’t see.

That’s the Bristol experience, Martin. Not some “gorgeous terrace” overlooking a bridge you can see in a million pictures. This is the real city—complete with valuable acting tips, NHS waiting times that could fill an entire soap opera season, and urban planning decisions that make Walford look like a masterpiece of rational design by comparison!