Oh Dear, Here We Go Again: Bristol Council's Sequel to the Energy Fiasco.
Next venture, buying hop fields in Kent?
Right, settle down folks, grab your lukewarm mugs of tea, and prepare for the next side-splitting installment in the ongoing Bristol Comedy Cavalcade, brought to you by your very own Bristol City Council. You remember the last belly laugh, didn't you? The one where our civic leaders, in a display of entrepreneurial spirit that would make even Del Boy raise an eyebrow, decided they could run an energy company? Yes, the halcyon days of Bristol Energy, where millions vanished faster than free pasties at a council meeting, leaving us, the ever-so-grateful council tax payers, to foot the bill. Thirty-five million quid, gone. Poof! But hey, as they say, "God loves a trier," doesn't He? Or perhaps He just enjoys a good chuckle at our expense.
Well, hold onto your hats, because the Bristol Post is reporting that we're back for seconds! Apparently, council chiefs are feeling all warm and fuzzy about the future of their multi-million pound Heat Network. Reassured, they say! Reassured that more costs will be heading our way, directly from our already strained council tax pockets. LOL, lol, lol indeed! When, oh WHEN, will these esteemed individuals grasp the fundamental concept that their job is to, you know, run a council? Collect the bins, fix the potholes, maybe even occasionally answer a phone call – not to dabble in the volatile world of commercial energy ventures. What next then? Are we going to see a council-backed acquisition of fields of Kent hops, all in the optimistic (and likely disastrous) pursuit of managing a piss-up in a brewery? I wouldn't put it past them at this point.
Right, so picture this: back in 2016, our esteemed Bristol City Council, in a moment of what can only be described as civic enthusiasm bordering on delusion, dipped a tentative toe – a £5 million toe, mind you – into the murky waters of heat networks. Fast forward a few years, and suddenly, like discovering a fiver down the back of the sofa, they declared this network to be worth a staggering £20 million! This revelation conveniently coincided with a rather flirtatious glance from a Swedish company, Vattenfall, which seemed rather keen on acquiring this newfound treasure. Cue much back-slapping and talk of a "Bristol City Leap," a grand scheme promising a billion pounds – a whole billion! – to be thrown at our energy system, with a healthy chunk earmarked for, you guessed it, more pipes for this ever-expanding heat contraption.
Now, while whispers of past council-backed energy blunders, involving a certain "Bristol Energy" and a rather embarrassing £35 million vanishing act, did circulate like a bad smell in the council chamber, everyone was quick to point out that this was different. This was an investment, not some reckless spending spree! Enter Vattenfall again, now less the eager suitor and more the slightly distracted partner, murmuring about "assessing ownership options" across Europe. Panic briefly fluttered through City Hall like a startled pigeon, but swift reassurances were issued – oh no, the Bristol network was definitely, absolutely, pinky-swear, not going anywhere.
The show, or rather the slow trickle of warm water, would go on, hopefully without anyone noticing if the initial £5 million ever actually heated anything. Oh, and by the way, isn't there a rat smelling of a Competition and Markets Authority investigation swirling around somewhere in the background concerning the possibility of a non-consumer choice when it comes to people not having other options of who to purchase their energy from? Yes, that little detail adds another layer of delightful absurdity to this unfolding saga. So, buckle up, Bristol, it looks like we're in for another bumpy, and undoubtedly expensive, ride on the good ship "Council Does Business." Place your bets now on how many more millions this venture will cost us before the penny (finally!) drops.
