Outraged Couple Demands Postcode Purge After Losing 'N14 GAS' Numberplate: Is Your Address Offending Someone?"
From 'Gasheads' to 'Gasping' for Sanity: When Football Fandom and Bureaucracy Collide.
(Image: Jackie and John Cooke)
Alright, buckle up, folks, because I've got a real humdinger of a story today. A tale of bureaucratic overreach, misplaced outrage, and a couple who apparently believe the entire postal system is potentially bonkers too!
Yes, I'm talking about the saga of the "N14 GAS" number plate. You know, that deeply offensive sequence of letters and numbers that... wait for it... refers to Bristol Rovers football fans. Because, you see, they're called "Gasheads." Due to a historical proximity to a gas works. A gas works that, might I add, no longer exists.
Now, the DVLA, in their infinite wisdom (or, some pratt of a jobsworth with far too much time on their hands), has decided that this perfectly innocent, albeit slightly niche, piece of vehicular decoration is "offensive." Offensive! Apparently, in some twisted, convoluted mental gymnastics, "N14 GAS" can be misconstrued as a racial slur. Who knew? I certainly didn't. What else could it possibly translate as, ‘Northern Ireland for Gas’ - perhaps? You know, a simple ringing endorsement, or, perhaps a plea to Norway for more of.
And what's the couple's response? A perfectly reasonable, measured debate on the nuances of language? Of course not! They're calling for the removal of postcodes. Yes, postcodes. Because, apparently, if "N14 GAS" is offensive, then so is, say, "N14 6AS." The logic is... well, it's certainly something.
Let's break this down, shall we?
The "Offense": A football nickname rooted in local history. Apparently, that's now a dangerous, hate-filled symbol.
The DVLA's Stance: "We're protecting the public from... something." Because apparently, they have to protect people from their own ability to misconstrue things and their barking-mad stupidity.
The Couple's Reaction: "If my number plate is offensive, then everything is offensive!" A classic case of "if I'm going down, I'm taking the entire postal service with me."
Honestly, where do we even begin? The sheer absurdity of this situation is enough to make anyone's head spin.
So, how about potentially offensive postcodes, as John and Jackie Cook quite rightly pointed out, and where does this insanity end? Will Royal Mail have to hurriedly rethink TR16 6ER (TRIGGER): A postcode in the Cornish market town of Redruth. NE14 ABJ sounds like a great place to live to me (located in the Throckley area of Newcastle upon Tyne, England.) It’s bad news for those who live in this Teddington postcode - TW11 1AT. By all accounts, Newcastle’s NE1 4AP comes up trumps again for originality.
However, why stop there when we have such desirable places to live, such as ‘Bell End’ in Rowley Regis, ‘Butthole Lane’ in Leicestershire, ‘Fanny Barks’ in County Durham, ‘Fingeringhoe’ in Essex, ‘Penistone’ near Sheffield (that’s a hard one!), ‘Scratch Arse Ware’ and ‘Shitterton’ - in Dorset, ‘Titty Ho’ in Northamptonshire, and ‘Twatt’ in Orkney, for instance.
It is important to remember that the DVLA does have guidelines regarding offensive number plates, and they do have to make judgment calls. However, in this case, it appears that they have made a very unpopular one.
So, to the couple, I say: perhaps invest in a new number plate. May I suggest "BR1 GAS"? Or perhaps, just a simple "ROVERS"? And to the rest of us, I say: try to maintain some semblance of sanity in this increasingly bonkers world.
This hyper-vigilance, this exquisite ability to find offense in the utterly mundane, is a testament to our advanced civilisation. We've transcended the crude, outdated notion of judging actions by their actual intent, opting instead for a far more sophisticated system of pre-emptive moral policing. Why wait for someone to actually be offended when we can do the heavy lifting for them? It's like a finely tuned algorithm, constantly scanning the cultural landscape for potential triggers, ensuring that no stray word, image, or registration plate slips through the cracks. We've built a society where the mere possibility of offending another is treated with the same gravity as actual harm, a testament to our unwavering commitment to a world where everyone is perpetually protected from the faintest whisper of discomfort. And if that means a few perfectly innocent license plates are sacrificed on the altar of hypersensitivity, well, isn't that a small price to pay for a world where no one ever has to think too hard about anything? What is wrong with people nowadays? As the old saying goes ‘If it ain’t broke don’t fix it’!
Absolute ‘Bo1 ock5’!
