Roundabout of Doom to be Obliterated! Greens Celebrate Another Victory Over Cars!
Bristol's Green Dream: A Traffic Nightmare in Disguise.
Alright, hold onto your hemp-woven hats, Bristol! Because the council, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that what this city really needs is fewer functional roads and more… well, let’s call them "traffic-calming performance art installations."
Our beloved Green administration, ever the champions of progress (or perhaps chaos?), has unveiled its latest masterstroke: the Bedminster Bridge roundabout demolition derby!
Yes, folks, the very roundabout that has, for decades, efficiently (or at least, comparatively efficiently) funnelled the relentless tide of Bristolian vehicles is set to be sacrificed on the altar of "sustainable mobility." "Fantastic news!" chirped a spokesperson, presumably while cycling backwards on a unicycle made of recycled Metrobus parts. "This will truly liberate us from the tyranny of the internal combustion engine!"
Naturally, this liberation will involve turning what was once a moderately congested junction into a glorious, gridlocked monument to bureaucratic overreach. Imagine, if you will, the serene beauty of a thousand cars, locked in a perpetual dance of frustration, their horns harmonising with the gentle whir of e-scooters weaving through the chaos. A symphony of "progress," micromanaged by the Green Party's finest.
As reported in Bristol Live (March 20), "We're riding the wave!" exclaimed another councillor, possibly while gazing longingly at a freshly planted patch of wildflowers in the middle of a former bus lane. "A wave of… well, a wave of something. Something green! And definitely not a wave of angry motorists!"
The plan, apparently, is to replace the roundabout with a "pedestrian-centric, multi-modal, eco-friendly, community-focused, zero-carbon, biodiverse, inclusive, reflective, and ultimately, stationary" space. Because, as everyone knows, the best way to move people is to stop them moving altogether.
Local residents, of course, are thrilled. "I can't wait to spend an extra hour a day stuck in traffic!" beamed one commuter, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "It'll give me so much more time to reflect on the beauty of our… eco… initiatives."
"Fantastic news!" proclaims Framegatherglare, as the "Greens ride the wave" of yet another traffic-strangling scheme. Yes, folks, instead of a simple roundabout, we'll have two junctions, because why have one point of gridlock when you can have two?
Ah, Bristol, the city where traffic flows as smoothly as a treacle-soaked sloth on a January morning. Our beloved Green administration, ever the champions of progress (or perhaps, chaos?), have unveiled their latest masterstroke: the Bedminster Bridge roundabout demolition derby!
"Fantastic news!" proclaims Framegatherglare, as the "Greens ride the wave" of yet another traffic-strangling scheme. Yes, folks, instead of a simple roundabout, we'll have two junctions, because why have one point of gridlock when you can have two?
"Radical changes to busy Bristol roundabout will reduce traffic congestion say experts," the council assures us. These "experts," no doubt paid handsomely to model a utopian future where every car magically teleports, predict that most journey times will remain the same or even decrease. Never mind that this prediction conveniently ignores the inevitable surge of bewildered drivers attempting to navigate the new, "improved" layout.
"There will be some drivers who will have to go a different way and some combinations of journeys will no longer be possible," admits a council spokesperson, with the casual air of someone explaining why your favourite pub has run out of beer. "Once again, BCC is penalising motorists," laments Downtowngirl, and who can blame her? Especially those poor souls who must drive to hospitals, because, you know, buses never get stuck in traffic, right?
IanW rightly points out the "vanity road project whilst basic infrastructure has been ignored for years." Collapsing river walls? Potholes resembling lunar craters? "No money!" cries the almost bankrupt BCC, conveniently forgetting the millions squandered on bus gates and endless "renovations" of the Centre.
KaptainVon astutely observes the "piecemeal" approach, noting the inevitable congestion at the Redcliffe Hill junction, where buses, cyclists, and bewildered motorists will once again merge into a chaotic dance of horns and frustration. And let's not forget the extra half mile of emissions as drivers are forced to loop back, thanks to the council's brilliant "no turn" rules.
Jonty2, ever the pragmatist, suggests these "experts" are merely "employed by prospective developers and the council highways and cycling officers who only have one agenda - remove vehicles from being able to access the city centre." A conspiracy? Perish the thought! Onlooker2 echoes the sentiment: "Most of the congestion has been caused by traffic schemes."
But fear not, dear Bristolians! BS8GR8 assures us, "Fantastic news! We have started to see some improvements in air quality already in Bristol." Yes, because nothing improves air quality like forcing drivers to idle in gridlock for hours. And AdvisoryService101, ever the optimist, declares, "Bring on the upgrades, any improvement will be welcome to help ditch the old dangerous design." Even if that "improvement" involves turning Bristol into a giant, confusing maze.
Lillemon, bless her heart, believes, "The roundabout is not the problem. It’s drivers not knowing how to navigate and use it properly." Clearly, she hasn't witnessed the average Bristolian's roundabout etiquette, which involves a delightful mix of hesitation, aggression, and utter confusion.
And as for the businesses relying on efficient transport? Well, they're simply overjoyed at the prospect of their delivery trucks being perpetually stuck in a verdant, carbon-neutral parking lot. After all, who needs customers when you've got… well, you know… "sustainability"?
So, what lies behind this purge of drivers in Bristol, whereby our council is doing everything possible to make life as difficult and inconvenient for people as possible?
Bristol Greens Suffer From Novel "Car-Aversion Syndrome" - AND Can Local Politics Provide a Cure?
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