The Global Jigsaw: A Guide to Not Losing Your Mind in a Complicated World.
Why the Modern World Is So Insane (And Why a Simple Life Isn't an Option). The Great Labelling: Political and Identity Tribes.
The Illusion of a Simple, Pagan Past.
Some days I long for that simple life. Back then, there was only the moon, the sun, the seasons, and the gods that governed them. Everyone held these gloriously pagan beliefs. Admittedly, life was harder than it is now because central heating, the internet, and public transport had yet to be invented. But since the past was a pagan orgy of sex and booze organised by the Dark Age peasantry to take everyone's mind off the fact that the turnips were under a foot of snow and the wind was coming off the Arctic, life was hunky dory until spring.
From Longboats to Dinghies: The Evolution of Migration to Britain.
Who needs a border force when you have a swamp? And who needs a welcome party when your uninvited guests are a bunch of burly chaps who just spent a month in a longboat, probably smelling like wet wool and disappointment? Life couldn't have been easy for those who trudged over the land bridge from Europe, the original #VanLife pioneers, but without the artisanal coffee. It's a wonder any of them made it. And the Jutes, Angles, and Saxons who turned up in Britain in the 5th century? They weren't just migrants. They were the ultimate in unsolicited door-to-door salesmen. "Hi, we're from Germania, and we'd like to talk to you about our new long-term settlement plan. It involves a lot of wattle and daub, a little bit of pillaging, and a guaranteed lack of central heating. But on the bright side, we'll organise a fantastic pagan orgy to take your mind off the fact that the turnips are under a foot of snow." Of course, that was before we invented the most glorious of all dividers: politics. Now we're not just arguing with nature anymore.
Politics: The Great Divider of Modern Society.
Fast forward a few thousand years, and what do we have? The very same island, still receiving visitors. But now, instead of arriving in longboats, they show up in dinghies, and instead of being met by a few bewildered locals with spears, they're met by a host of politicians with microphones. In the old days, migration was a matter of survival. Now, it's a matter of poll numbers. Migrants today are either "economic opportunists" or "asylum seekers," depending on which party's website you happen to be reading. And the glorious pagan gods? They've been replaced by glorious political parties. Instead of praying to a deity for a good harvest, we now pray to a politician for a good headline. We've traded the god of frozen engine blocks for the god of soundbites and focus groups.
And now, for the main event: the grand, farcical circus of modern politics. We're no longer just humans trying to get by. We are now a veritable Pantone chart of political leanings. We're either Left, Right, Centre Left, Centre Right, Far Left, Far Right, Extreme Left, Extreme Right, Liberal, Eco-Liberal, Green, Social Democrat, Christian Democrat, Blue Labour, Red Tory, Moderate Whig... (at this point, you're pretty sure someone's just making it up). We've turned the simple act of having an opinion into a full-blown identity crisis. Back in the day, your biggest social identifier was probably whether you were in the tribe that had successfully figured out how to make fire. Now, it's whether you've correctly identified as a Centrist-leaning-with-a-touch-of-anarcho-syndicalism or a Progressive-but-fiscally-conservative.
Identity in the Modern Age: A Confusing Glossary of Labels.
The ‘Great Labelling’ has infected our very selves. It’s not just politics that’s splintered into a thousand tiny, unpronounceable pieces. The simple matter of who you are has also become a full-time job. Back then, your identity was straightforward: you were either a member of the tribe that had figured out how to build a fire without setting their hair alight, or you weren't. But now, we have a dizzying, ever-expanding glossary of identities. You're no longer simply a person who likes other people; you are either Asexual, Bisexual, Heterosexual, Homosexual (Gay/Lesbian), Pansexual, Queer, or any one of a dozen other nuanced labels. And gender? Forget about it. The basic binary of "male" and "female" has been replaced by a sprawling constellation of Agender, Bigender, Demigender, Genderfluid, Intersex, Nonbinary, Cisgender, Genderqueer, Androgynous, and a new one will probably be added to the list tomorrow.
A Spiritual Supermarket: The Splintering of Faith.
Just when you thought we'd reached peak ridiculousness with our ideological and personal labels, don't forget the original great splitter: faith. Back in the day, it was simple. You had your gods of the sun, moon, and crops, and everyone pretty much worshipped them in unison, mostly out of fear that if they didn't, the turnip crop would fail. It was a communal, albeit pagan, experience. But now? We are a thousand different shades of belief, each with its own specific rulebook and interpretation. It's not just Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or Hinduism. Oh no. We have a whole spiritual supermarket of sub-denominations. We've got Roman Catholics, Anglicans, Methodists, Baptists, Pentecostals, Eastern Orthodox, and that's just a small slice of the Christian pie. In Islam, you're either Sunni or Shia, but within those, a dozen other smaller sects exist. And we can't forget Orthodox Jews, Reform Jews, Conservative Jews, Kabbalists, or the vast array of Eastern philosophies and new-age spiritualities. It's a bewildering Global Jigsaw of faith, where one person's path to enlightenment is another's heresy. The simple, shared fear of a bad harvest has been replaced by the complex, nuanced fear of misinterpreting a sacred text.
The Ultimate Jigsaw: A Combination of Unique Beliefs.
The true art of the Global Jigsaw is in combination. This is where our glorious Global Jigsaw reaches its ultimate, ridiculous zenith. Because it's not enough to be just one thing anymore. In today's world, you are a walking, talking, utterly bewildering salad of labels. You're a Left-leaning, Genderfluid Baptist who votes for the Green Party but secretly harbours a fondness for fiscally conservative policies. You're an Asexual, Right-wing Sunni who believes in a universal basic income. You're a Bisexual Anglican-turned-Pagan-Animist who's a die-hard supporter of the Tory party, but only for their policy on recycling. We've reached a point where your ideological fingerprint is so unique, so incredibly niche, that you're probably the only one in the world who holds that exact combination of beliefs. The old tribes of the Jutes and the Angles have been replaced by the tribe of one: you. We're all little, solitary islands in a vast sea of incomprehensible labels, desperately trying to find someone else who identifies as a Nonbinary, Extreme-Right, Eco-Liberal-Buddhist so we can at least have someone to argue with.
The Psychological Cost of a Fragmented World.
What is the natural, utterly predictable result of this colossal, self-imposed identity crisis? A world so screwed up about itself that our collective psyche is finally cracking under the pressure. This is the theory, anyway. The fact that reality doesn't match the theory can be confirmed by anyone working at Relate or answering phone calls at the Samaritans. No wonder here in Britain, for example, there are so many insecure people. We have a mental health service that can't cope with the sheer volume of those seeking help. We have a desperate shortage of mental health professionals to service the demand, and a waiting list that… well, you'll likely be collecting cobwebs before you're seen by anyone. The end result is a ridiculously out-of-control percentage of the population who are unavailable for work, because it's hard to hold down a job when your entire existence has become a confusing, ever-changing multiple-choice test. It's the ultimate paradox. In the old days, the biggest threat to your mental well-being was a frozen engine block. Now, we have an app for everything, we can talk to anyone on the planet, and yet we're more alone and anxious than ever. We've replaced the pagan orgy with an endless series of online questionnaires designed to tell us who we are, and then we're left to stew in the results. The Global Jigsaw has become so complex that we've broken the one thing that was supposed to solve it all: ourselves. And for that, there's no god, no political party, and no identity label that's going to fix it. We've truly outsmarted ourselves into a corner.