The Insults! Why Am I No Longer Surprised?
Can you believe yet another person dared to accuse me of being "intelligent"? No, me neither.
Like, have they read my stuff at all? Clearly not.
Whereas, not that far back the keyboard warriors used to anonymise themselves. Now, people blatantly no longer care. They'll happily put their names to the insults with no fear of retribution in this world.
Well, Anthony, Alf, Alan, or whatever your first name is. You may think you're clever, but my instinct tells me there cannot be that many guys with your somewhat unique last name in the English-speaking world. So, Mr A. Nonymous, I'm not stupid, I'll find you. Mark my words.
Well, here I am again, returning to nocturnal hours. I don't know what it is that causes me to feel the most inspired to leave my bed and type away in the wee small hours of the morning such as I'm doing now. I hit the sack around four hours ago shattered, and since then all I've been doing is mulling over what to write next when, like normal people: yes, I'm far from normal, I would have been asleep and whatever constitutes a brain within me would be doing its job and processing squillions of bytes of information from the day.
Maybe it's the legacy of my Irish descendency that causes me to work back-to-front in ways that are opposed to the rest of humanity, and possibly how I adopted such equally back-to-front humour. Yes, I can crack humour about the Irish because I am one, and no, it isn't racist, you pillock. So there. Go take your political correctness and shove it where the sun don't shine. I don't care. I am a free thinker and, therefore my own person with full ownership.
Speaking of being my own person I should probably speak about 'wimmin'. Yes, 'wimmin'. Perhaps, more than ever, I'm somewhat undecided nowadays as to whether there would be any great benefit to having a female in my life.
Now, quite by mistake, this was put to the test recently when Keisha came into my life briefly. As to why only briefly, well, I'll get to that.
Now, aside from having a massive drug habit, she was verging on being little miss-perfect in terms of partner potential if it wasn't for her habit, and this is something I have no interest in competing with.
Aside from this, I would have struggled to find a more compatible person as she was kind, caring, polite, considerate, and lovely, if not gorgeous to snuggle up with if you catch my drift. She was so thoughtful and caring in many ways, even to the point of offering to cook for me. Basically, she went out of her way to please, and offering to cook and in her words "look after me" was, I suppose, the deal breaker.
You see, I take great pride in my tiny little kitchen, and over time I've invested heavily in kitchen equipment due to being a chef way back in my past, and because a lot of it is quite expensive compared to your average household, I'm quite precious about looking after it.
Added to this, I can get very cheffy (yes, I just made that word up) about how my food is cooked. Added to which, I'm again far from normal, being a fussy eater and I have health issues that mean I don't eat with the frequency or diet of just about everyone else on the planet, possibly. And Gordon Ramsey thought he had 'Kitchen Nightmares'!
Anyway, without any deliberate intention on my part, I think Keisha possibly felt that she was surplus to requirements, and I haven't seen, or heard from her since. To all intents and purposes Keisha has dropped off the radar and I'm in something of a quandary because I have become so aware of how my OCD can affect others unintentionally.
I should explain further. My lifestyle over the years was one of being incredibly independent, and to some extent I still am. As someone stated a few years back I am very "self-contained" and used to doing absolutely everything for myself. So, I can fully understand how those in close personal relationships with me can feel surplus to requirements at times. You know, like a spare part.
Because I have set quite a high standard for myself, due to overcoming what could have turned out to have been quite a debilitating mental health condition some years back, I guess it's something others can feel inadequate about. Again, it's by no means intentional, and, in fairness, it doesn't impact on every area of my life, thankfully.Not that anyone would believe it from the content of all the posts I write within 'The Almighty Gob' blog as a whole, but I have quite a high IQ. Well, above average, at least, and one of the very best relationships I enjoyed a few years back was with a student studying psychology at Bristol Uni.
The in-depth conversations we shared were a joy, and although I never qualified in the subject it was a field of study I engaged in for many years, and, to some extent still do. If anything, it has become something of a thread throughout my posts, as many a reader will testify, no doubt. Okay, those who can read, more specifically.
It was more than simply in-depth conversations that drew us together though. In the psycho-spiritual world of interpersonal relationships the engine room that drives it goes way beyond the conscious, or, what we see and feel from our world environment which impacts our consciousness on a day-to-day basis.
Because, being like cotton wool we absorb way too much information for our own good, and the majority of it always being other people's bullshit we are assumed to claim some ownership of so we can either feel better, or worse about ourselves.
Remember this. Humans, yes, us lot, are driven by two things. Only two things are applicable in everyday life. These two very simple needs are things we want more of, and things we want less of. It's as basic and simple as that. No further explanation needed. Think about it. Simple, right?
So, with the very basics of food, shelter, and water we are able to fully function. Nothing else is required to sustain us in mind, body, and spirit, as with all three we are nourished and provided for. It's simplistic, and it works, as attested by indigenous tribes worldwide. Well, that is until the greed and arrogance of the false, materialistic side of humanity comes along thinking it somehow knows better and screws the basics of life up in the belief that materialism is the way to go.
There's the need for bigger houses, better cars, more money, and so on, and so forth. In doing so the population grows and an increasing amount of resources are needed to sustain our already overpopulated planet, where, in fact, reality tells us that our natural resources are decreasing.
So, to combat this, the materialistic bullshit side of humanity has to create resources that in actual fact wouldn't be needed in the first place had it not been for the same materialistic humanity wanting more, and more, and more of everything it falsely believes it needs by means of repetitious learned helplessness through the generations before it.
The bottom line of all this is - as stated in my book (available on Amazon), that we have become so far removed from our fundamental origins that so many indigenous tribes the world over still live by, and have never lost sight of, that humanity has become the cause of its own eventual demise. But, don't take my word for it. Remember, I know nothing.
Except for the fact that quite clearly it proves the point that humanity has lazily fallen into the 'What we want more of' bracket - no thanks to mass consumerism, of course. So, we're told what we need, when we need it, how we need it, and why. No matter where it comes from we're being sold to in one way, or another, 24/7 by manufacturers, sales agents, retail stores, food producers, media, reverends, and politicians. None of us are immune to it, until such time as we make the conscious decision to boost our immunity and either reduce or cut the bullshit out completely.
It took a while for me to unlearn, and, I'm pleased I did, or given the explosion of people engaging with mental health services that absolutely can not cope with the demand nowadays, I would be royally screwed. The pressures and demands imposed on people by this highly insecure world we live in is simply too overwhelming for a rising number of folk to cope with.
I get it. I see it, and I'm pleased I found the wherewithal to take that necessary step back and become more of an observer than a participant when the opportunity presented itself. Again, the how's, and why's of it are all in my book.
Suffice it to say, it's got me to a place where, finally, I have found an inner place of calmness and contentment. A meditative state, where instead of being cotton wool to all the travails of the world around me just like that Buddhist monk, alone on the mountain looking out on the world and being aware of the pain, suffering, and anxieties of the beyond, he finds stillness and understanding through connecting with himself. Simply to be, in that moment, and the next.
Trust me, I will never in this lifetime be that great. Never in this lifetime will I even rise to such greatness. However, I am now happy with my imperfection - within which there are many more, some of which are not yet recognised because, like everyone else on this planet, I was not born to be perfect. I was born to learn and incarnate through many journeys and experiences.
To renew, time and time again - and to teach from what I have learned. Teach what, you may well ask? Well, that's best explained by the fact that life itself is a teaching/learning experience that transcends all certificates and degrees, and where the only real and valid qualification to attain is one of continuing self-improvement, whereby spiritually, we can acknowledge the existence of, yet rise above everything we self-inflict by way of hatred, greed, jealousy, envy, and harm. Basically, the very same learned behaviour I referred to earlier. To let go is freedom and self-empowerment.
To let go takes you to a world within this world where the only concrete relevance is who you are, what you feel within, and how you treat yourself as the mirror reflecting outwards to others.
Now, while that line of thinking is all very well and good on the surface, in practice, however, the undercurrent is far and away different. Quite the opposite, in fact, while the world is so embedded in consumerism, and, quite frankly, selfishness. Because, just like drugs, the more we are offered and imbibe in, the more we want in order to feel good, if not so much better about ourselves. In short, a false happiness. Basically, consumerism has become the new heroin for the masses, and people cannot get enough of it.
As Karl Marx said, "The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people". There's no argument from me on that one as I couldn't have said it more succinctly myself. Don't you agree?
So, here I am. Biding my time in relative patience, and waiting. Not for change in the world exterior to my own, as this will never happen, and, if anything will get steadily worse. Waiting for that wonderful, magical partner experience again.
That uniquely special person beyond all others who will already be on that path of inner peace and contentment in this increasingly crazy world, without possibly even knowing she is. Or, that one who is hungry to learn about, and expand her inner consciousness towards feeling whole and complete by rejecting the outside influences, and, in doing so, discovering growth within herself towards that inner peace and harmony that's there, dormant, and awaiting recognition.
Yet, for the most part, all I observe are younger, and younger females with pushchairs and one, sometimes more children in tow, and wonder how in this world have we arrived at such a point in our history where so many females now feel that having children so young is are all they are good for, and all they are capable of.
Again, this is surely a case of learned helplessness, isn't it? I totally get it where they've had a life and a career first, and then choose to settle down somewhere close to their thirties, perhaps.
However, in contrast to this, somehow their only life vision is to leave education and without any leaning, or inclination to really better themselves in so many other ways, feel their only option is one of bearing children, and that's their lot - their career, maybe. Beyond this very self-limiting thinking there is nothing else, until, perhaps, a low-paid form of employment further on is taken either through choice, or necessity.
You see, I'm not big on families, and children. I have no desire within me to meet mum, dad, sister, brother, or play surrogate dad to someone's existing offspring - that simply isn't me in any conceivable way whatsoever. Never has. Never will be. Not interested - period. So, consequently, when I connected with this very lovely psychology student who was education and career-focused, having first achieved her degree, it was a breath of fresh air. A hugely welcome one, far and away from having to engage in everything spoken about in the first four lines of this paragraph.
Her journey was one of a hunger for knowledge and inner growth. One of finding her place in the world against all of the presuppositions society imposes on females as wives, mothers, and more. Now, this isn't to say she was in any way at all a rampant feminist. She was not. This was a female on a journey of self-discovery before anything else, and apart from being a potential future career, this journey of learning in university was to be her eureka moment, her awakening, if you will.
An awakening that would evolve to where, like myself, she would find that sense of inner peace and contentment. That multiple-orgasmic level of higher consciousness, mentally, spiritually, and physically through discovering her own inner peace and calmness amid the sheer craziness of the surrounding world that she could connect with, and relate to, yet not be a collaborator in.
If, and when the current pathway of my life introduces another potential partner who is younger, single and enthusiastic, self-aware, and an inner-searching student of life to journey with I will, yet again, enjoy the many benefits of our co-existence for as long as we are destined to be together to teach, and to learn from one another in more deeper and meaningful ways than the vacuous, material world would have us believe about ourselves through generational learned helplessness.
Meanwhile, I wait patiently, as always, and still have to contend with people who, for whatever reason, assume I am intelligent. Don't believe a word of it. Trust me, I just make this shit up as I go along.
