The Motherhood Paradox: Career Aspirations and the Realities of Parenthood.
Prams Before Plans: A Generation's Curious Calculation.
So, having taken a whole day off from myself yesterday and feeling much better about it, my literary self, now fully refreshed, is back and firing on all cylinders again. Of course, if you believe that, then I have a castle in the air I can sell you.
No. More like I have a medical condition that translates as being far too mentally and physically exhausting to put thoughts into words, and all I want to do is sleep at obscure times when the majority of others are fully functioning and getting on with their lives. You know, business as usual in the grand scheme of things.
Today, then, I’m in two minds as to what I should write about. Should I convey my thoughts regarding what was not so long ago, a fully functioning and efficient GP practice that’s now impossible to get through to? Or, a subject close to my metaphorical heart (because it’s a keynote of my **Amazon/Kindle published book) that’s reached today’s press, regarding ‘The Majority of Women Saying That Having Children Can Ruin Their Career’? This, by means of pure coincidence, by the way, just happened to segue into an article written by another Substack author that only came to my attention this morning, titled ‘What They Don’t Tell You About Having Kids And A Career,’ that was published in June 2023, by Deb Liu.*
Ultimately, there was no need for a coin flip as to which subject should take precedence. So, without further ado, let’s get stuck into ‘The Majority of Women Saying That Having Children Can Ruin Their Career’? As in, firstly, for some, what career? Is being a young, single mum now a career with no other professional qualifications to fall back on when it comes to future employment as their offspring get older?
Surely, I cannot be the only person noticing how our pavements are witnessing a curious demographic shift? Forget the traditional image of the harried professional female juggling briefcases and lattes; the modern urban landscape is increasingly dominated by a different figure: the young woman, barely out of her teens to early twenties, navigating a pushchair with the determined air of a seasoned explorer. It seems they just can’t wait to push them out nowadays!
While their university-bound peers are grappling with Kant and calculus, these young women are mastering the art of nappy change and soothing lullabies. A career in finance? A doctorate in law? These aspirations seem to have been replaced by the more immediate and pressing demands of feeding schedules and teething rings.
One might be forgiven for thinking that a national memo was issued, advising that the pinnacle of female achievement now lies in the rapid production of offspring. Forget climbing the corporate ladder; the new ambition is to climb the mountain of laundry that inevitably accompanies parenthood.
The statistics, of course, paint a stark picture. A significant proportion of these young mothers are navigating the complexities of single parenthood, often supported by the state. While their contemporaries are constructing meticulously crafted CVs, they are constructing meticulously crafted schedules of feed times and nap times.
And let us not forget the qualifications. While some are dissecting Shakespearean sonnets, others are dissecting the intricacies of government benefit forms. The pursuit of higher education, it seems, has been supplanted by the pursuit of higher child benefit payments.
It's a curious paradox. While society champions female empowerment and career ambition, a significant cohort appears to be opting for a different path. A path where the primary objective is motherhood, and the secondary, well, that remains to be seen.
One might ponder the economic implications. While the future workforce is being meticulously groomed in lecture halls, another generation is being raised on government subsidies. The long-term effects on the national economy are, shall we say, a topic for lively debate in the halls of Westminster.
Perhaps, in some future sociological study, this era will be labeled "The Great Pram Push." A time when the pursuit of personal ambition took a backseat to the pursuit of parenthood. A time when the clatter of keyboards was replaced by the rattle of baby toys. A time when the question wasn't "What do you want to be when you grow up?" but rather, "How many nappies do you go through in a week?"
In the age of Instagram filters and TikTok trends, it seems the spotlight often shines on the demographic of young, single mothers with a trail of romantic wreckage in their wake. But why? Maybe the answers lie herein:
Identity Formation:
Especially for younger generations, social media is a place where they are forming their identity. The number of likes or followers they have becomes a metric of their own self-worth.
The "Highlight Reel" Effect:
Social media is, by nature, a curated collection of life's best moments. A perfectly posed mother-child photo can mask the chaos of a toddler tantrum or the awkwardness of co-parenting.
The Dopamine Hit:
Likes, comments, and shares trigger the release of dopamine, a "feel-good" chemical in the brain. This creates a cycle of seeking more of that positive reinforcement.
Those "I'm thriving!" posts might be a valiant attempt to convince the world (and themselves) that everything is fine, even if their love life resembles a sitcom gone wrong.
The "Validation Vacuum":
When a relationship crumbles, social media can become a source of much-needed validation. Likes, comments, and virtual support can fill the void left by a departed partner.
It's a digital hug, a chorus of "You go, girl!" that can be incredibly comforting, even if it's from someone they've never met.
Instant Gratification:
Social media provides immediate feedback, which can be highly addictive. People crave that instant sense of approval.
The "Dating App Dilemma":
The online dating scene can be a minefield, especially for single parents. The search for "the one" can lead to a series of comical (and sometimes tragic) encounters.
It can be that the very nature of social media and dating apps, while allowing people to connect, also allows for a very disposable connection.
The "Independent Icon":
In a world that increasingly celebrates female empowerment, single motherhood can be seen as a badge of honour. It's a testament to resilience, strength, and the ability to raise a tiny human of their own.
Social media allows those mothers to show off that independence.
The "Community Connection":
Social media can create a sense of community for single mothers, providing a space to share experiences, offer advice, and find support.
This community can be a very important part of a single mother’s life.
Social Comparison:
Social media platforms often present curated, idealized versions of people's lives. This can lead to constant comparison and feelings of inadequacy, driving individuals to seek validation to boost their self-esteem.
But, of course, it isn’t just young, single mothers, because at the employment end of the spectrum, the blessings, and for some, curses of having children can manifest in other ways, as Deb Liu explains.
“Motherhood is rewarding, but it also has a lot of hidden costs. Working moms are no less committed to our work and our families than those who choose one or the other. Nevertheless, the motherhood penalty is real, and it is felt by so many working mothers who silently struggle to keep all the plates spinning, hoping that none of them tip over. That feeling of precariousness and stress is all too real for so many of us, but if we can’t even talk about it, how can we ever hope to solve it?”
Nearly two-thirds of women surveyed by Good Housekeeping agreed that motherhood was detrimental to their careers. This rose to 71 per cent of Gen Z respondents and 74 per cent of millennials, but was lower for older generations.
Key Takeaways:
Prevalence of the Issue:
The fact that nearly two-thirds of women overall believe motherhood negatively impacts their careers indicates a widespread societal issue. It's not a niche experience, but a systemic problem.
Generational Divide:
The significantly higher percentages among Gen Z (71%) and Millennials (74%) compared to older generations suggest that younger women are experiencing these challenges more acutely. This could be due to several factors:
Increased Career Ambition: Younger generations of women are often more highly educated and have higher career aspirations than previous generations. This makes the conflict between career and motherhood more pronounced.
Economic Pressures: The rising cost of living and childcare places significant financial strain on families, forcing many women to make difficult choices between career advancement and childcare responsibilities.
Changing Workplace Expectations: While progress has been made, workplace cultures may still lag behind in providing adequate support for working mothers. Younger women may have less tolerance for these shortcomings.
Social Media Influence: Social media can amplify the perception of work-life imbalance, potentially contributing to increased anxiety and stress among younger women.
Delayed Child Bearing: Millennials are having children later in life, so the impact on their career, that is already more established, may be more pronounced.
Potential Contributing Factors:
Lack of Affordable Childcare: The high cost of childcare makes it difficult for many women to return to work full-time or pursue career advancement.
Workplace Bias: Implicit and explicit biases against working mothers can limit their opportunities for promotion and advancement.
Lack of Flexible Work Arrangements: Many workplaces still lack flexible work arrangements, such as remote work or flexible hours, which can make it difficult for mothers to balance work and family responsibilities.
Unequal Division of Labour: Even in modern households, women often bear a disproportionate share of childcare and household responsibilities.
Societal Expectations: Traditional societal expectations about motherhood can create pressure on women to prioritise family over career.
Maternal Wall Bias: This is a specific form of gender bias where working mothers, or women perceived as likely to become mothers, face discrimination in the workplace.
Broader Implications:
Economic Impact: The loss of women's full economic potential has significant consequences for the economy as a whole.
Gender Inequality: This issue perpetuates gender inequality and limits women's ability to achieve their full potential.
Social Impact: The stress and strain of balancing motherhood and career can have negative impacts on women's mental and physical health.
In essence, the survey results underscore the urgent need for societal and workplace changes to better support working mothers. This includes access to affordable childcare, flexible work arrangements, and a shift in workplace culture to eliminate bias and promote gender equality.
The juxtaposition of burgeoning motherhood and stalled career aspirations paints a complex portrait of modern womanhood. Are we witnessing a societal regression, a return to traditional roles under the guise of individual choice? Or is this a recalibration, a rejection of the relentless pursuit of corporate success in favor of a more personally fulfilling path? The question lingers: in a world that champions female empowerment, have we inadvertently created a system where motherhood and career advancement exist as mutually exclusive entities? Perhaps the true measure of progress lies not in the choices women make, but in ensuring those choices are genuinely theirs, free from societal pressures and economic constraints.
Ultimately, the "Great Pram Push" may not be a sign of societal decay, but a reflection of the inherent contradictions within our own values. We extol the virtues of female ambition yet fail to provide the systemic support necessary for women to integrate motherhood and career seamlessly. We celebrate individual autonomy, yet subtly judge those who deviate from the prescribed path. As we observe this demographic shift, we are forced to confront our own biases, to question the very definition of success, and to acknowledge the intricate tapestry of choices that define womanhood in the 21st century. The answers, it seems, are not as simple as the click of a "like" button or the swipe of a dating app; they lie in the nuanced understanding of individual aspirations, societal structures, and the ever-evolving landscape of female identity.
It is a curious calculation, indeed. One that leaves us pondering the ever-evolving definition of female success in the 21st century.
*Deb Liu’s article - https://open.substack.com/pub/debliu/p/what-they-don’t-tell-you-about-having?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=km5b2
**My book on Amazon/Kindle - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sexual-Philanthropist-Everything-Borderline-Personality-ebook/dp/B0BYT2B14J
