They're Escaping the Asylum, and Running Things! Feb 25th 2024.
John Langley Bristol Author
Here I go again, repeating myself, I know. As potentially boring as it may be, something tells me that you, my friend, may well be as exasperated as me by now. So, here we go. Let's share a common vent as we continue to highlight the sheer idiocy of others nowadays.
Where shall we begin? I know, how about The image of a dead lion being swarmed by bees to be dropped from some of Lyle's Golden Syrup packaging. Question one: who actually cares enough about a graphic on a tin can no one even notices anyway? Question two: What relevance, if any does an insignificant graphic have on a buying decision if someone wants a tin of golden syrup? Not me, for sure, and finally, Question three: who is the marketing numpty who considered this a good idea, and did it cause them to lose any sleep due to the graphic which has been in place for somewhere around 150 years without any bother whatsoever? Actually, I have just thought of one further question. Does this person not have a hobby, because clearly he/she/it has far too much time on their hands?
In a similar vein, I was asked by a news channel to participate in a live broadcast about the statue of Bristol's Edward Colston, earlier this week, as later on that day Bristol city council would be having a meeting regarding its future. My point is that the Colston statue has been in place since seventeen hundred and something, with millions of people passing it by since then on their way to and from work, to schools, universities, for business meetings and conferences, and tourists and shoppers alike, all going about whatever they had to do at the time.
To all intents and purposes, no one gave so much as a flying fig about it because it was just there, and pretty much invisible to all except a self-entitled minority over the past few years who suddenly felt oh, so offended by its presence - poor dears, pulled it down, and then returned home to, I presume, watch children's television following their petulant outburst without even the satisfaction of receiving so much as a Blue Peter badge for their efforts. Awww. Still, as long as it served to feed their oversized egos they were happy, bless them. Meanwhile, of course, the majority of Bristol 'adult's did the adult thing and averted their gaze to the Colston statue, as similarly, the same can be said for those who bought golden syrup over the years.
What next then? Aha, yes, here's another among the loonies who, newly born, deserved to have been baptised in a font of sulphuric acid to save the rest of us from their later life moronisitis (yes, I just made that word up). The prize pillock here is whichever employee of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (MS) decided to sack pensioner Fran Itkoff from her volunteer position with the charity because she "asked what pronouns meant". Fran Itkoff had served the non-profit for multiple sclerosis patients for 60 years, with her late husband running the Long Beach Lakewood chapter before his death.
She was left stunned when her bosses forced her to step down on January 19 following an exchange with a colleague who asked her to use her pronouns in email signatures. Well now, isn't this "colleague" just full of her self-importance, or what? I'm surprised her ego doesn't get in the way of her entering whatever building doorway gives her access to her work. Aren't you? Pronouns, my arse, get over yourself woman before you fall off your high horse and injure yourself. These people aren't even worth the satire. Hence, as soon as people begin thrusting their inane pronouns at me in any communication I go incommunicado with immediate effect until they've got over themselves, or, penguins takeover Parliament. Whichever is sooner. I'm not fussed.
Shall we all now deep-breathe for a couple of minutes before I move on? Very well.
Ready for the next assault on your common sense, are you? Good. So, how about this one? Charity umbrella group Wildlife and Countryside Link claim that the British countryside is a "racist colonial" white space. You see, lunatics like this would be enough to drive the sane of our population on the phone to the Samaritans helpline 24/7, wouldn't they? I feel a headache coming on just from writing about it! Which, of course, leads me towards some smartarse saying, "Well, the majority of 'adults would avert their gaze," I suppose. Yeah, yeah, there's always one! Except, like most, I hope, normal, common-sense people with even a modicum of intelligence would recognise blatant, and quite unnecessary stupidity when they see it.
Whoever dreamed this idea up is clearly scraping whatever barrels of employment they can find that enables them to keep their, no doubt, high-paid job. Simply finding problems where none exist to justify their status and salary by stating the countryside as "'racist space dominated by white people' as well as, and wait for it. Yes, grip on to something firm now, "The UK’s role in the European colonial project has also driven the current climate and nature crises."
"European colonial project"? What the hell is that supposed to be? Do you know the worst part about this? Someone has probably been to university for three, or four years, to learn this tripe. It continues, "People of colour in the UK are significantly less likely to visit natural spaces." Give me a break! I'm surprised whoever didn't go further in stating that whenever a black person is seen in the countryside the locals assume it's an African missionary come to convert them all to Christianity because they are such a rare sight out in the sticks. I can just picture it now, loads of white people hurriedly retreating back to their homes, scared out of their wits at the sight of a black face.
Look, lighthearted humour aside, I don't know about you, but I've seen skin of all colours meandering around the countryside and enjoying it. Some people of ethnic minorities have even discovered we have things called buses, coaches, and even trains here in England. How cool is that! If people search hard enough they'll even find out how to use our buses, coaches, and trains too. Wow, twenty-first Britain, who'd have thought it? However, sometimes I do wonder for myself. So, despite this person's claims, and the transport systems we have in place, I'd say it's more a case of lack of interest combined with laziness that fewer people of colour are seen in the countryside, wouldn't you agree?
Finally, because I simply cannot continue with more of this lunacy without an entire month of Valium to calm my increasingly shredding nerves, I arrive at Pillock Central as the final destination on this particular journey, and Labour MP (seems about right so far - no pun intended) Charlotte Nichols, who was either taking the proverbial, or awaiting psychiatric intervention perhaps, and wanted to change the law to let dead people switch their gender. Hey hun, as much as I hate to state the bleeding obvious. Once you're dead, you're dead. It's a terminal thing, you know? No one is going to rise up out of their grave and complain. Trust me, and move on.
I'm done!
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