Bristol On The Move, Off The Rails.
Paint, Broadmead, and Bristol City Council's track record with money. It's not good.
[Bristol Climate & Nature Partnership — the group behind the friction-and-behaviour document referenced in "Right. Here's The End Goal."]
Well. It looks like devolution from Westminster is still on the table, folks — and it’s worth being precise about what that actually means, because two different pots keep getting talked about as if they’re one.
For starters. There’s a £17 billion Investment Prospectus: a pitch to private investors and developers, not public money at all.
And there’s the real prize — an Established Strategic Authority bid, with North Somerset joining the combined authority to help clear the bar. Only once that status is granted does an actual devolved settlement arrive from Westminster.
West Yorkshire, which already holds it, got just under £2 billion across four years. West of England doesn’t have a number yet, because it doesn’t have the status yet. Truth be told, it hasn’t got much of anything yet. Never mind status.
Now. Before anyone gets excited about what either pot could build, it’s worth asking what Bristol City Council already does with the money it has, because the pattern’s been hiding in plain sight for years, and it was never really about what it looked like it was about. Not the headline sums. The small, repeating decisions that keep turning up across completely unrelated council budgets: paint, and the things that get moved without warning. You know. Like they do.
Anyway. Somewhere in this piece is a figure the Leader tried to pin down two years ago and couldn’t. Somewhere else is a four-letter method, sitting in a drawer, that explains why none of this ever needed a conspiracy to happen. Both surface eventually. Neither is where you’d expect. Like a post-it note reminder. That someone forgot after an office party.
Cycle lanes. Roads. Fountains. Bus stops. Somewhere in City Hall there’s a colour chart getting more attention than a spreadsheet, and The Almighty Gob wanted to know how such a conversation might actually go — and what it could be building toward underneath.
I Can Just Imagine The Colour Chart. Can you?
Two swatches sit on the desk under a strip light that hums slightly louder than either man is prepared to mention. Each swatch has a name printed underneath it in a serif font usually reserved for candles: “Assertive Vermilion” and “Quiet Confidence Red.” The Leader hasn’t picked either one up.
LEADER: Tell me again why I’m choosing between “Assertive” and “Quiet Confidence.”
DIRECTOR: High-friction red, Leader. The naming’s the contractor’s, not the council’s. Either one does the job. The job being visibility, not self-esteem. There’s a trial — up to a quarter of a million pounds, funded from Clean Air Zone income — to repaint the cycle lanes drivers and pedestrians keep failing to notice.
LEADER: The lanes that already exist. That we already paid to build.
DIRECTOR: Correct. The infrastructure was sound. The colour simply wasn’t loud enough to be believed.
LEADER: So the fix for infrastructure nobody can see is more paint, paid for out of the pot we raised by charging people for driving through the city.
DIRECTOR: One way of putting it, Leader. The tidier phrase in the report is “repurposing of income toward active travel outcomes.” Same quarter of a million, better vowels.
LEADER: That zone’s still running a surplus, isn’t it. The one that’s meant to be about the air.
DIRECTOR: A multi-million-pound one, confirmed in the House of Lords. Nobody’s disputed the figure.
LEADER: Isn’t it meant to be about the air, though. Not the money?
DIRECTOR: On paper, Leader. Only the air doesn’t know where the boundary is. It never has. It doesn’t slow down at the sign, check its watch, and decide to turn back. You can draw a line on a map and charge a driver for crossing it, but the particulate matter on one side of that line saunters across the other without ever once being asked for ID.
LEADER: So the whole premise is fictional.
DIRECTOR: The zone was never really about the physics, Leader. The physics were always going to do what physics does regardless of the charge. The zone was about the revenue the charge would raise, and revenue behaves exactly where you draw the line, even when the air won’t.
LEADER: So we’ve built a boundary the pollution ignores and a surplus the paint depends on.
DIRECTOR: That’s a fair summary of the balance sheet, yes.
LEADER: I laid bricks for eleven years. Nobody ever asked me to repaint a wall because the first coat wasn’t emotionally convincing.
The Director doesn’t answer that one. He lets it sit in the room rather than talk over it, and for a moment the hum of the strip light is the only thing still working in the building.
Council Tax Payer Feedback.
LEADER: If we’re spending public money on a colour, the public should have a say in the colour.
DIRECTOR: In theory, yes. We could run a survey. Ask residents which parts of the network they’d prioritise, what shade reads clearest to them, whether red’s even the right call for every road.
LEADER: Would we use it?
DIRECTOR: That depends what you mean by “use,” Leader.
LEADER: I mean would the answer change anything, or would it sit in an appendix while the decision that was already made gets made anyway.
DIRECTOR: There is a precedent. The disability consultation on the East Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood was represented one way in public — a scheme with its own budget answers worth a separate read. It read rather differently once people went back to the source data.
LEADER: Different how.
DIRECTOR: The survey happened. What it was said to show and what it actually showed were two separate documents. It passed through a handful of hands before anyone outside this building saw a summary of it, and nobody outside those hands voted on how it would be described.
LEADER: So a paint colour consultation would run the same course. We’d ask the question, publish the invitation, and the answer would arrive too late to be anything but decoration on a decision already signed off.
DIRECTOR: The tick box gets ticked, Leader. Nobody’s ever specified that it has to change anything on the other side of it. The results get collated, bound, and filed in a cabinet roughly three feet from the desk where the decision was already signed off — close enough to point to, far enough that nobody has to open the drawer.
LEADER: Then don’t call it a consultation. Call it what it is — a colour chart with a comments section nobody reads.
Then There’s The Mural.
The Director opens a second folder without being asked. He’s had it ready.
DIRECTOR: There’s a second exhibit, if you want the pattern rather than the incident.
LEADER: Go on.
DIRECTOR: The Centre fountains. Sixty-one thousand pounds, artwork over the old broken fountains, paid for jointly with the Business Improvement District. It was titled “Our Common Ground.”
LEADER: Was.
DIRECTOR: It started peeling within two months of completion. The ground stopped being common to anyone roughly around the time the leaves would have started falling — if it had been a tree instead of a road.
LEADER: So we paid twice for the same square of tarmac. Once to break it, once to make it look less broken, and the second attempt didn’t survive a season.
DIRECTOR: The paint was the wrong type for the surface. That’s been established.
LEADER: And who signed off on it?
DIRECTOR: That has not been established, and I’d gently suggest that’s not an accident. The old fountains, for what it’s worth, needed less maintenance broken than the artwork needs now that it’s finished.
LEADER: And nobody’s asked, because by the time the answer matters, there’s a new colour chart on somebody’s desk and a different budget line paying for it.
DIRECTOR: That’s rather the mechanism, Leader. Each failure gets filed as its own decision, with its own paperwork and its own person to blame if anyone ever looks. Nobody decided. Nobody had to. Nobody’s job is to add them up. So nobody does — somebody else already has.
Oh. And The Rainbow Crossing.
LEADER: There’s a third one, isn’t there. I raised it myself, a couple of years back, and never could pin the figure down at the time.
DIRECTOR: Wine Street, at the junction with Union Street. A single puffin crossing painted in rainbow colours. It came out under a Freedom of Information request — £7,161.24, the works carried out in 2021.
LEADER: For one crossing.
DIRECTOR: For one crossing. Call it the most expensive four square metres of tarmac in the West Country, pound for pound. Nobody’s produced a figure that beats it since.
LEADER: And it lasted?
DIRECTOR: It was vandalised within the year and had to be repainted in 2022. The council didn’t pay for that second coat — the contractor absorbed it. But the road went through the same cycle regardless. Paint down, paint damaged, paint redone.
LEADER: Same contractor both times?
DIRECTOR: ETM did the first job. Colas did the second. Nobody’s ever placed the two invoices side by side and asked whether the firm doing the repair has any interest in the original job lasting.
LEADER: Nobody’s ever raised the other question either, have they. Whether a rainbow’s the safest thing to put on a crossing in the first place.
DIRECTOR: RNIB has, nationally — took it straight to the Mayor of London. Their case is that plain black and white gives the contrast a partially sighted person actually needs to find the crossing at all, and a rainbow doesn’t. There’s a British Standard behind that, not just an opinion. Whether that argument was ever put to this particular crossing, on this particular street, I can’t tell you. Nobody’s published that they were asked.
LEADER: So it’s not even a new pattern. It’s the same one, three years early, and nobody joined it up to the fountains or the cycle lanes until now.
DIRECTOR: Nobody was asked to, Leader. Each colour gets its own file, its own budget code, its own press line. Three departments, one instinct, and not one of them required to read the other’s paperwork.
The Director closes the folder. Somewhere down the corridor a photocopier finishes a job nobody’s come to collect.
On Yer Bike. Or, Scooter.
LEADER: There’s one more, and it isn’t paint. It’s the scooters.
DIRECTOR: The hire scheme. E-scooters and e-bikes, run under contract — Voi, then Tier, then Dott after the merger. The trial’s been extended out to 2028.
LEADER: The council wants everyone doing their own Tebbit. Get on your bike, find the work, find the gym, find the pub. Very active travel. Very healthy city.
DIRECTOR: One in fifteen residents across the region use one monthly, by UWE’s own evaluation. The appetite’s real, whatever else is wrong with the delivery of it.
LEADER: And the rest of it?
LEADER: So they lost the contract.
DIRECTOR: The contract nearly wasn’t renewed. It was renewed anyway.
LEADER: None of which is what I asked about. I asked about the ones left lying across a pavement. Three grown adults riding one scooter built for one — like a bobsleigh team that lost two-thirds of its own crew — going the wrong way down a one-way street. Because nobody’s checking who’s riding, or where it lands when they’ve finished with it.
DIRECTOR: One clause missing from a contract does that, Leader. No requirement to inspect where a vehicle’s left, only that it’s eventually collected. Everything downstream of that omission becomes unpredictable by design — three to a scooter here, the wrong way down a one-way street there. Nobody decided. Nobody had to.
LEADER: A gap nobody wrote down, causing damage nobody can point to a decision for.
DIRECTOR: The council’s own answer to that was to move parking off the pavement and onto marked bays in the road. Which addresses where a scooter should end up. It doesn’t address who put it somewhere else, and it never asked why the enforcement was missing before the scheme launched rather than after residents complained.
LEADER: So it’s the same shape as the paint. Approve the thing that looks like progress, don’t build the mechanism that makes it work, wait for the complaint, then fix the smallest piece of it in public.
DIRECTOR: Tebbit told people to get on their bike, Leader. He never had to account for where they left it.
Now. About The Buses.
The Director doesn’t reach for a folder this time. He knows this one by heart.
LEADER: There’s a sixth one, and it’s nothing to do with colour. It’s the stops.
DIRECTOR: City centre bus routes. Twenty-five services rerouted from the end of August. Stops on Union Street, the Horsefair, Penn Street, and one on Broad Weir close outright. New stops open on Fairfax Street, Broad Weir, Lower Castle Street, and Bond Street. Five familiar corners lose their stop, four unfamiliar ones get one instead.
LEADER: And in June, if I remember rightly, the lot of them shut in one afternoon regardless.
DIRECTOR: Yes. A service disruption closed The Centre, the Horsefair, Broad Weir, Wine Street, Bristol Bridge and Victoria Street simultaneously, diverting everyone to Clifton Triangle. That was an incident, not a plan. The August changes are the plan, and we’re improving on it all the time — new maps, new signage, a newsletter residents can subscribe to for the privilege of being told where the bus stop’s moved to this time.
LEADER: And the ones who can’t just look it up. The pensioner who’s used the same stop for twenty years. Somebody less steady on their feet, finding out the hard way that it’s a hundred yards further than it used to be.
DIRECTOR: There’s a track record worth being honest about, Leader. The disability consultation on the East Bristol scheme was represented rather more favourably in public than the source data supported, and Blue Badge exemptions there were refused more often than granted. If the pattern holds, the people least able to absorb an extra hundred yards are exactly the ones who’ll be given it — not because anyone decided it should be them. Simply because nobody in the room has ever had to use the stop themselves.
Neither man says anything for a moment. Down in the street, a woman holds one of the council’s own leaflets up against a lamppost that no longer matches it.
LEADER: Getting people out of their cars was the goal, wasn’t it.
DIRECTOR: Officially, yes. Nobody ever specified it had to come with them being able to find the bus. And, the E-scooter scheme does be doing its job rather well.
Mind. On The Plus Side.
DIRECTOR: If it’s any comfort, Leader, the numbers are moving exactly where you’d predict. Every closed stop, every rerouted service, every scooter left blocking a doorway in Broadmead is a small push toward the M5.
LEADER: Toward Cribbs.
DIRECTOR: Toward Cribbs. Seven thousand free bays, no zone charge, no committee arguing over a colour chart before a shopper can find a space. It’s been the quiet success story running underneath everything else in this room. For which, South Gloucestershire Council must take both the credit, and the initiative.
LEADER: Quiet how?
DIRECTOR: Nobody set out to build the case for leaving the city centre, Leader. It’s simply what happens when every visible decision in the middle of town makes visiting it very slightly harder, and the alternative eight miles up the motorway stays exactly as easy as it’s always been.
LEADER: Congratulations, then. To whoever isn’t taking credit for it.
DIRECTOR: There’s a footnote worth keeping honest. One venue at Cribbs has started charging for parking this year — the ice rink, forty-five minutes free, up to five pounds after that. A private landlord’s decision, not the council’s, not the mall’s. The seven thousand bays around it are still free.
LEADER: So even the retreat’s started charging admission, on one corner of it.
DIRECTOR: Which rather proves the point, Leader. Free doesn’t stay free anywhere for very long, once enough people start relying on it being the only place that still is.
LEADER: What else is there to do, then? To help more of them along.
DIRECTOR: Nothing, Leader. That’s rather the joke of it. We don’t have to do anything else. We just keep doing what we’re already doing.
Right. Here’s The End Goal.
The Director doesn’t open a folder for this one. He’s been carrying it without needing to check it.
LEADER: Say it plainly, then. What’s actually being built toward, underneath the maps and the signage and the survey nobody reads.
DIRECTOR: The paperwork’s public, Leader. It’s called Bristol on the Move. It says outright the changes are preparation for thousands of new homes, shops and leisure space, coming to the area in the years ahead.
LEADER: Meaning what, for the stops.
DIRECTOR: Union Street, the Horsefair, Penn Street — they didn’t close because the buses stopped running past them. They closed because the streets they sit on are the ones due to change shape.
LEADER: So you empty a place out first, and call the emptying “improvement” — whether or not anyone ever meant it that way — and by the time anyone’s counted the footfall that’s been lost, there’s nothing left worth defending when the bulldozers turn up.
DIRECTOR: I can tell you what the paperwork says, Leader. I can’t tell you what’s in anyone’s head, and neither can you. What I can say is this: the pattern doesn’t need a motive to produce the outcome. Empty a place quietly enough, for long enough, and the case for defending it evaporates on its own — whether or not that was ever the plan. And there’s a document that shows the quiet part is a method available to anyone, motive or none.
LEADER: What document.
DIRECTOR: The one from the opening of this conversation, Leader, if we’re honest about where it’s been sitting the whole time. Produced by the local Climate and Nature Partnership, aimed at employers, about shifting behaviour without ever asking outright.
LEADER: How does it work.
DIRECTOR: Four levers, arranged as a four-letter acronym — easy, attractive, social, timely. One of them is simply friction. Remove it where you want a behaviour, add it where you don’t. People arrive at the choice you wanted without ever being told to make it.
LEADER: Give me an example.
DIRECTOR: Fewer car parking spaces, more bike parking spaces. That’s the worked example, in print, handed round at workshops.
LEADER: Friction. Like a bus stop moved a hundred yards.
DIRECTOR: Precisely like that.
LEADER: So it’s not a conspiracy. It’s a technique.
DIRECTOR: Which makes it worse, if anything, Leader. Nobody needs to conspire when the method’s already published as best practice. City Hall didn’t write it. It only had to be in the room when somebody else did.
Down the corridor a photocopier finishes a job nobody’s come to collect, for the second time this piece, and neither man remarks on it.
So. Add Up The Council’s Bill.
The Leader stands and walks to the window. Watch, and you’ll see it too — below, on the road outside, someone is stepping around a scooter left flat across the pavement without breaking stride, the way you step around something that’s stopped being news.
LEADER: Add them up for me. Roads. Cycle lanes. A puffin crossing. A mural that lasted eight weeks. A scooter scheme nobody’s enforcing. Bus stops that move if you look away too long. What does the city actually look like if I step back from all six?
DIRECTOR: It looks like a Jackson Pollock painted by six different committees who never once compared notes. Red lanes nobody asked for in a survey nobody read. A rainbow crossing repainted after vandals got to it. A mural that outlasted a carton of milk and not by much. A scooter fleet strewn across the pavement like dominoes somebody knocked over and never stood back up. A bus stop that isn’t where the map says it is. Every layer is a visible decision, made in public, signed off in daylight. None of them are a maintenance plan.
LEADER: And whatever lands, when it lands — the EMSA settlement, or whatever the investment prospectus actually converts into. Are we back here in two years with a different swatch and the same argument?
DIRECTOR: Only if nobody in this room decides that a road is infrastructure first and a colour choice second. Nothing currently stops that order from reversing again.
LEADER: Is it malice, then? Somebody choosing this, deliberately, six times over.
DIRECTOR: Nobody decided. Nobody had to. Malice would at least imply a decision, Leader. What’s on the record looks more like nobody deciding anything at all — and it hasn’t been one penny cheaper for the absence of a villain.
Malice would at least imply a decision.
The Outcome.
Is it practical to keep spending surplus income on repainting decisions that were sound the first time? No.
Is it logical to expect devolved funding to behave differently from Clean Air Zone income, Business Improvement District money, or the £7,161.24 that went on a single puffin crossing in 2021? No.
And the likely outcome needs no further explanation. Paint down, paint damaged, paint redone — it’s on the tarmac outside the Centre right now, peeling, three years after Wine Street proved the same cycle. It’s on the pavement outside your front door too, wherever the last scooter got left.
Look at the crossing that needed doing twice. Look at the fountain that didn’t outlast a carton of milk. Look at the road nobody could see until it turned red, and the swatch it was chosen from, printed underneath in a font meant for candles. Look at the bus stop that isn’t where the map says it is. None of it was hidden. All of it was there to be added up, by anyone willing to sit still long enough to do the sum.
Whatever money actually lands — an investment pipeline still converting into anything real, or a devolved settlement that doesn’t exist yet — doesn’t need a mandate for infrastructure. It needs someone in the room willing to ask why the last coat of paint didn’t hold, before anyone reaches for the next one.
Don’t hold your breath. Just remember this article.
© 2026 John Langley aka www.thealmightygob.com
Sources and citations.
West of England Combined Authority — £17 billion Investment Prospectus
West of England Combined Authority — Established Strategic Authority (EMSA) consultation
West of England Combined Authority — North Somerset joining the combined authority
Bristol City Council — proposal to trial a red surface on key Bristol cycleways
Hansard via TheyWorkForYou — House of Lords debate confirming the Bristol Clean Air Zone surplus, 9 June 2026
The Almighty Gob — Bristol City Council’s Two Planning Failures
The Almighty Gob — Bristol City Council EBLN Budget Overspend
Bristol City Council — Centre Promenade works
The Almighty Gob — Is Bristol City Council Competent?
WhatDoTheyKnow — FOI response, cost of rainbow zebra crossings
RNIB — Confusing colourful crossings are not safe, RNIB tells Mayor of London
West of England Combined Authority — public e-scooters trial
UWE Bristol — one in 15 West of England residents use public e-scooters every month
West of England Combined Authority — major changes to Bristol city centre bus routes
First Bus — major incident, Bristol city centre, all services
The Mall at Cribbs Causeway — directions and parking
Yahoo News (BBC syndication) — parking charges could ‘price families out of skating’
Bristol on the Move — major changes to Bristol city centre bus routes
Bristol Climate & Nature Partnership — Engaging Employees in Climate and Nature Action



Superb. And the way you write is reminiscent of Douglas Adams.
Brilliant.